I'm feeling very frustrated today. Well, not just today but lately. My frustrations have been a little worse since I came back from London last Sunday. I had gone to a football game with my dad - that part was great. I enjoyed it as I hadn't been to a match with my dad in five years, and it's our father/daughter time. We've grown apart through the years, I used to be "daddy's little girl" up until I hit my teens but now I feel disconnected with him, so being able to connect again with him through football is nice. Regardless, that's not what's bugging me. It's just hit me that since I went to the match on Sunday, I realised how much I would have loved it if my SO could've been with me. I know everyone wishes that, but it would have been so nice for me, my SO and my dad just to hang out you know?
I understand that right now things are tough for visits to happen for us. My SO is struggling with money lately, he isn't getting enough shifts - and the only money he does have in his account is his savings for our future together. And what makes me feel even worse right now is that the other night, he revealed to me that in June he went back to NL with only 13 euros in his bank account as he had overspent when here. That made me feel so bad, because I know he had bought an engagement ring when here to propose. I feel like it is MY fault that he is struggling with money because he wanted to propose. If it wasn't for me, or us making that step he'd probably be able to afford buying his own food, paying his bills. I just feel so guilty that he's struggling with money and the worst thing is, I'm not in any position to help him out as my family have our own money flow problems all the time. It's just so upsetting because he's looked so stressed lately and I want to hold him and help him out - I really do, but I just feel so frustrated I can't. I feel useless and hopeless. I don't know what to do?
Another thing that's upsetting me is that I miss kissing him, holding him and just being able to physically feel his presence around me. I miss sitting on his lap. I just miss him. It's felt so long since I've touched his face, and been tickled by him. I just hate being without him
And it pisses me off when my sister, who's highly insensitive, bitches about not being able to see her boyfriend for one single day - not even 24 hours either, JUST A FEW HOURS. Or the fact she's been temporarily banned from her boyfriend's house by his parents for punishment for something. Yeah sure, it sucks you can't go around his house but she STILL gets to see him every day, constantly. Does she not understand that her youngest sister is struggling to cope with not being able to be with her own boyfriend? I just feel like my sister is being so shallow right now. She sits and bitches all day about the smallest thing if her boyfriend has work for a day, and she won't get to see him for a few hours. Like seriously, try doing what I've done for nearly three years. Try not being able to just text your boyfriend to hang out, to go to the cinema, to just sit around a house all day staring at each other or whatever. I wish people like my sister understood that they're being shallow about those "few hours" of non-interaction. I'm not trying to sound jealous or anything, because I'm not. I just wish she would be a bit more sensitive about the situation I'm in. But I can't even confront her because my parents are all "Oh no you can't say anything about it to her because she'll go crazy." Yet she's allowed to air her opinion ABOUT anything to ANYONE's face. Just ugh. I hate people's insensitivities and it just sucks and hurts so badly.
Rant over.
I'm just hoping as soon as August is over, that he gets better shifts ^_^ he tends to have trouble in the summer months with less shifts as the shift hours change, but usually as soon as the summer season passes he tends to have regular work.