Well, I guess I'll start with the progress of our LDR. As that seems most logical on a LDR forum, right?
- We're on track with closing the distance
Since my last blog post on LFAD, I had written that my SO was still trying to look for work and after our last visit back in January when he got back to the Netherlands we had a look at his CV and completely re-done it so that it had more information about his work experience and his skills. Then I helped him write some "motivational letters" as the Dutch call them, which is pretty much a cover letter for the CV. It took him two months to get a decent job, which has the hours he wanted (24hrs). My SO had been feeling really frustrated during that period as his CV was getting people interested but the interviews were more of the hurdle. But thankfully, he then applied to Domino's in his city and got an interview within 20 minutes of applying and then got the job. It's not the world's best job as it's a pizza courier but it pays a decent wage (just under 9 euros an hour) and it's got the regular hours that my SO wanted to have so he could save up to move over later this year, which is finally on track.
We were worried when the weeks at the beginning of the year started zooming past and there hadn't been much progress in terms of a wage coming in for him, but thankfully that has passed now - that period of uncertainty. He can now afford to put a larger amount into his savings each month after his bills have been paid. And he managed to buy his passport back in March as his EU ID card was due to expire in April. It also means that his passport is now valid for 10 years so we don't have to worry too much about that.
The only thing I've found hard to adjust to is suddenly not being able to talk as regularly as we used to. We are super lucky that for most part of our LDR we've been able to talk consistently throughout the days (usually for 6-8 hours) and now we only get two days per week where it's just us from morning to night to talk. That was quite difficult getting used to as I found myself not knowing how to pass the long hours but I have my sister who lives 350 miles away to Skype with on most days. We keep each other company when our SO's are working, even though she's not in an LDR - she's had some real bad health issues this year and I've been keeping her calm (she suffers from anxiety too) when she has lonely night shifts to suffer through.
At the start of my SO's job, he was working from 3.30pm until 10pm - well that's what his shift should've been but for some reason at a small takeaway in his city, his colleagues take forever to mop up a floor so a 3.30-10pm shift has turned into a 3.30-12am shift which has bugged my SO a ton, and his boss kept adding on hours that he never asked for (he is limited to 24hrs a week on his contract but his boss kept giving him 36hrs) so he asked to cut down and thankfully his boss has allowed him to shave off some time and he now works until 9pm most of the week. Which is a huge benefit for us as my SO was feeling low about not being able to talk enough. And when he did come in from work, we disliked how it wasn't for long enough so he got it changed.
I hope I don't sound like I am complaining because I know there are couples out there who don't even get a minute during the day sometimes and I would hate to step on anyone's toes! Everyone I know in an LDR and on here is a huge inspiration regardless of how similar or different our situations are <3
I'm lucky that I have someone who is willing to change things to make it easier on both of us, especially as I suffer with anxiety and he tries his hardest to make sure that the level of stress is as low as possible and we're doing much better with communicating how we feel these days. It's a lot easier to resolve smaller issues without them getting too big. He understands why I feel the way I do and I understand that sometimes he just isn't able to find the words to explain how he feels
We've also made ourselves a Trello board to keep on track of our closing the distance targets. It's basically like a large online cork-board where you can post check-lists and things for projects (think of it like pinterest but without images), in this case closing the distance and organising upcoming visits. It's super helpful for couples who find it hard to have one place to keep track of all the things that need to be done (CDR, weddings, visits etc) rather than have two people save or write down a list individually. This way you can just add something to the board, and when it's completed either one of you check it off. The picture below is one of our cards/boards for my SO's upcoming visit in June:
- Upcoming visits!
We have two visits coming up which I'm so happy about as we haven't seen each other since January and the nights can be insanely long without being able to hear his voice so I honestly can't wait until June 10th because I've been longing to be held tightly by my baby forever! And it'll be the second year in a row that I get to see him for his birthday! And then after June, we'll have another visit in August for my birthday! Which will be a first as we've never got to spend my birthday with each other which will be nice. Especially as not only do I have a twin sister I share my birthday with, but I also share it with his youngest sister (he's the baby of the family) which has always been frustrating because I never get "us" time on it without him being dragged away :P They've had him for 20 years to share birthdays with, it's my time now bwahahaha
It's also even more exciting as it'll be the shortest time between visits we've ever had. Our shortest so far has been 4 months but just under 2 months is definitely going to be an amazing experience and one I'm looking forward to!
Mmm what else?
Oh yes, we've nearly been engaged for a year in June - the 14th to be exact! And we've been thinking about gradually starting to plan the wedding for 2017 but of course, our main priority is to close the distance first and get enough money saved up for that. Thankfully, my SO doesn't have too much stuff so shipping costs shouldn't be expensive and it'll give us some spare cash to go towards a wedding eventually as my SO has said to me he would like to start planning the wedding sometime later in the year and he thinks it'll give us something positive to work towards when the distance is niggling at us. But I've said, we can start slowly planning the wedding as I feel that the added pressure of planning a wedding whilst still long distance will probably add to my anxiety and the last thing we would want is for something to flare up stress for both of us - which he has understood and is happy to wait a while longer to start.
I just wanted to ask for those who are planning or have planned their wedding - do you have any tips of where to start and how to go about the actual planning process when you did start planning? I mean, we've already agreed on a budget of £5-7k (maximum) for it and we know where we want to get married. It's just waiting for the cash pile to build up (something I am worried about as dealing with money especially large amounts makes me feel queasy haha). There's no rush to plan it, personally, and I'm happy to just consider every option possible before lunging into the whole planning process so all of the tips of where to start for first time bride & groom to be's are welcome
And I think that it's about it for now? xD
Overall I'm feeling really positive with our future and even at times when I've felt anxious or insecure, my SO has always been amazing at reassuring me with words and actions to make everything easier for us. I haven't felt this positive in a long time and even though we can't talk as much as we used to, I know it's for an amazing cause so we can finally spend our days curled up together rather than in front of a computer screen with headsets on that hurts our heads hehe.
Sorry for boring you haha
