I feel so frustrated today. I come looking for advice or help, and I really hope not to offend anyone or get on anyones nerves.

I had one hell of a day yesterday. I basically found out that I will be losing my job as of November first. I mean thats fine, I'm sure I can find another job, and god knows I hate the one I have right now more than you can believe. Kevin called me during lunch and I told him the whole story about what happened and what was said (as I work for his friends) and as usual he was so calm about it.

Let me explain, I babysit for his best friends two kids in a dirty filthy house, and as you have heard I just cannot deal with it. The children have no structure and no rules, they are allowed to do what they want to, when they want to. It's horribly frustrating to me because in my opinion its hindering the children from growing into their full potential. Well their mom called from out of town during the morning and asked how things were going, and I basically told her things were really bad, that her kids hit me, they don't listen and they are like wild animals. She said she was glad I felt that way because starting in november she is GIVING her kids to her mother in law whom lives in TEXAS. So starting November first the kids are moving from Virginia to Texas, and I am not needed anymore. She asked me not to be mad and said she still wanted to be friends, so I was honest with her in saying that I really don't make enough money for the headache her kids cause me and that I was planning on letting her know in December that I would be done babysitting and looking for a new job starting the beginning of January, She was happy to hear that I didn't have any hard feelings but in reality she isn't someone I could be friends with because she's dirty. The thing that frustrated me was that before she hung up, she asked me If I could hold off on finding a job until I know her plans will work out. Um, No? I can't afford to be jobless in the same way you're sending your kids off to Texas because you cant afford to pay for child care and food to put into their mouths. The difference is that THEY BOTH have fantastic jobs, sadly the father drink WAY too much and the mother has a shopping addiction, truth be told they don't know how to budget and handle their money.

Kevin told me to let it all be water off a ducks back. UGH, but good parents shouldn't send their kids off because they want to spend their money foolishly, I'm sure if I was in their shoes I could make it work, but they are lazy and they don't like to work for things, everything has to be the easy way.

That aside Kevin came home from work to let me know that starting Monday he will be working complete opposite shifts at work than I work now, as in While i'm asleep he will be awake, and while I'm awake he will be asleep. I kind of lost it and told him it was useless for me to move because we won't be seeing each other and I may as well live alone. I know it hurt his feelings because he asked if I would be moving back to NY and he seemed VERY surprised when I told him I'd be staying with him in Virginia. I told him I was angry and I apologized for making him worry. His answer was "You know, I'm going to marry you some day". I smiled and told him that I thought that was the plan all long, and that I hope to get married and have kids sooner than later. He told me he knew my plans but he just wasn't ready. He told me he KNOWS he wants to marry me, and he wants to have kids with me, but he's not ready. I don't quite understand a mans thinking, because for me realizing all of that, is what made me ready to marry him. He has some silly concerns but of course I didn't tell him they were silly. He is worried about being a bad father. He says he knows I'm great with kids, and I'll be a fantastic mother, but he feels he won't be a good parent. He is very kind and understanding in my opinion, and that makes a good parent!

We had a long talk last night and he said he wants to get out of the Navy and move back home to NY with me when his enlistment is over. We talked about him going to college and what we would do for money, and it seems to make since to go back to NY with having my parents business to take care of. It's a small town and a great place to raise a family and for some reason he really likes it there, so I suppose that is our plan but thats about as far as our plan goes.

We have decided that for Christmas both of our families would get together, and as it stands all of his brothers, sisters, and parents will be coming to Virginia from NC, and then we will all go to NY where my family is. It was his family that decided they wanted to go to NY, which is fine with my parents. I'm quite excited, as this will be the first holiday that both of our families will be together with us! Hopefully with finding a new job it'll still work out. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel even through the journey through the tunnel has been rather frustrating. Wish me luck please.