I figured he would. When we had our conflict a month ago I was almost certain he would. Many here encouraged me to just consider it over and I offered that to him but he showed interest in making it work. We were on a path to recovery, but I guess with a guy like him, and perhaps many people with AS, it's like walking on thin ice. He says we bump heads too much and the other night convinced him of it even though we didn't really bump heads.

Last week he asked me if I'd play a new MMO called Archeage with him. I said of course, after all, he had said he wanted to do more with me besides watch movies. And I was always looking for new things to do with him. We played for about an hour but he wasn't having fun. The next day I asked him if he was interested in playing it still and he said no. Then two days ago he randomly messaged me and was like "So I've been playing Archeage and I've come across this weird quest." This kind of frustrated me because I was interested in playing it with him and I'd been struggling to find a game to play with him. Yet there he was playing it. He was almost level 20 too. I asked if he didn't mind me joining him and he had an excuse for everything or nothing that was of any actual interest like "Sure."

So I just confessed and said I felt frustrated because I really wanted to play with him and I'd been struggling to find games for us to play. I wasn't emotional or tudey, just honest.

Then the next evening he said my behavior from the night before confirmed that we can't work out.

I'm not feeling really emotional about it. I may be numb, or perhaps my mind is in denial? I don't know. But it is really frickin frustrating. I know I shouldn't have to date someone who is so sensitive and fickle and throws all blame on me when really a lot of our issues stem from him. I made sure to let him know that. I've been kind of gentle but after that there was no reason to hold back.

He was such a hypocrite. Claiming I was sensitive, emotional, and needy. I am not a high maintenance girl at all. I've always been one of those girls who you can chill with. That person people can always come to and feel like things had never changed. I never came with a lot of drama, never started it, never fed it, I'm a loyal person through and through, I speak my mind, and when I keep my emotions to myself it is for good reasons. But he always painted me as this psychotic, clingy, needy, overly emotional, overly attached girlfriend and it's simply because his mind is in this perpetual drama queen mode.

"Oh my gosh, I sense a slight change of tone in her voice, we must be having a fight!"

"She said she was looking up what it takes to get a visa to Canada, that must mean she wants to get married!" (I was just curious! I was by no means planning on it... Jeez.)

I made sure to tell him that this wasn't an issue with me, this is an issue he has and will likely have with every relationship until he learns to communicate.

I guess another thing that sucks is when this person becomes such a regular part of your daily life. With LDRs you really rely on texting and messaging and it's easy to send messages to each other on and off throughout the day and then sometimes you get into a routine of hearing from them on something like Skype on a regular basis. And you're left with this emptiness. Your phone is no longer going off sporatically throughout the day. You no longer hear that 'boo boop' sound from Skype or the tune that goes off when they're calling you. It's especially hard when you're not a very social person to begin with. The only person I feel I am able to talk to about this is my best friend and she hasn't been answering my messages for a few days now. So I'm left to writing in blogs. It's weird that for such an introvert, I do rely on close relationships a lot. My boyfriends always become my best friends, and you never want to imagine your daily life without your best friend. Everyone always seems to have someone in their life that they speak to on a daily basis, someone who is always there for them who will understand.

I just like talking things out with someone, knowing there is someone there who cares and will hear me out. I want someone who will care about me and get mad with me when I'm mad and be sad with me when I'm sad, or get mad because someone or something made me sad. I know of plenty of people who will give the generic "Well just keep your head up keep busy and with time it'll all get better!" kind of responses. That's not what we want to hear when we're pissed off. That's some common sense stuff right there. We want someone who's like "YEAH! SCREW HIM! YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM ANYWAY! Now come along, let us go buy some ice cream and comedy films. We're going to laugh until our sides hurt."

October 30th can't come soon enough! When my ex decided he wanted to drop out of our con trip I decided to splurge and bought my best friend a plane ticket to come to a con with me. Overall to fly her out, our badges, and hotel, this con is going to cost me well over $1,000 but it'll be worth it.

I probably won't be sticking around here much. I'm already being given reminders of my failed relationship. Hell, I don't even think I will be able to stand any strong Canadian themes for awhile (we often cracked jokes at our nationalities). It sucks when so many things remind you of them. I bought a damn Wii U simply so we had something to do together while he was over here and now I've got a Wii U that I hardly play because all of my games are mostly multiplayer. Along with most of the games in my game collection.