Confusing Break Up

Kapwned started a blog post Confusing Break Up
September 25, 2014, 06:21 AM
Confusing Break Up

So the reasons I was given when he dumped me were "We don't mesh that well together" and "We bump heads a lot".

Is it bad that I still think he's blowing this out of proportion? It's so frustrating, and why?

Ever since the breakup, absolutely nothing has changed between us. Seriously. The only thing we don't do is give pet names and say I love you. He texts me every morning telling me good morning. When I get home at night he calls me on Skype. He's bought me a game on Steam, he's asked me if I want to play a few games with him, and each night he wants to watch something on Skype with me. If anything, we've been acting closer than prior to our breakup. We could say that this is because we're better off as a friends than a couple but this is a concept I am not completely understanding because if I'm totally honest, I don't even fully feel like we're broken up. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware that we've broken up and I don't mentally or socially regard him as my boyfriend anymore, but I do still love him and if his reasons for ending it still stand then it doesn't add up.

He says we bump heads a lot and that we don't mesh well together. If we don't mesh well together then why this past week have you been spending a great deal of your free time with me? Why do we find it so easy to get along? We're so comfortable with each other and it's not like I'm not speaking from a lack of experience. Trust me I've had individuals who I did not click with claiming we connect so well. I know a connection and he and I have a connection. And for me it's not a "dating complicates things" mentality, because again things essentially haven't changed for me mentally. It's not like the second he's no longer my boyfriend I'm no longer capable of getting mad at him, or that if he's dating me he's anymore obligated to do more than he is right now. I'd have been fine with our scenario, this current scenario (with the exclusiveness). But it's like he psyched himself out.

Yesterday he sent me a text saying "I feel like I should get this out in the open. I don't want you to get caught up on me and I don't want to lead you on but I do genuinely like your company and spending time with you."

...What? Says the guy who says we don't mesh well together.

I mean, if the feelings just aren't there they aren't, but I just don't see how he can't feel absolutely nothing and think we don't mesh well together when even after breaking up he is spending a great deal of his time with me.
Tags: None
2 - 4

4 comments
- #2
  
  Moon commented
  
  September 25, 2014, 01:05 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but this isn't healthy. He's kind of using you as a crutch, and not allowing you time to clear your head and begin to move on, instead you're just ending up confused and still hoping he'll change his mind. He should not be having so much contact with you, it's selfish and unkind. He's telling you that relationship-wise it's over, but stringing you along anyway.
  
  You can't be friends yet, you cannot be friends with an ex you still have feelings for, that's not friendship, that's false hope. You really should consider cutting all contact for a while, at least for a few months.
- #3
  
  Kapwned commented
  
  September 25, 2014, 08:32 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  I'm not sitting here hoping he'll change his mind. I'm sure his mind is made up. I guess I just don't get how his mind is working. I've seen many many couples break up and very very rarely do they go from being a couple to being close friends with daily contact. Most go to being acquaintances. Couples usually work much like best friends do. If you connect and mesh well together you become best friends, if not, you're just friends or acquaintances. You don't go out of your way for daily contact, but hey, it's nice to chat and hang out on occasion or when it's convenient.
  
  And he is literally acting like we never broke up behavior wise minus pet names. I was almost certain he'd distance from me but so far he hasn't. Hell, he was up til 2am watching a movie and playing a game with me last night. I don't know how long I can handle being just friends with him. It's not like we have a long history. We met on okcupid, I added him to Skype, we hardly spoke much, we even fell out of contact, then one day we randomly started talking, he asked me to do a Skype call with him and we clicked so well, a month later he confessed to having a crush on me, and then a month later we started dating.
  
  And at the same time I just can't put my head around what the hell is so different from being close friends and being a couple? Relationships shouldn't be pressuring. I never demanded much more than what he is giving me willingly right now post breakup. Seriously. I have no once asked him if we could do a Skype call or initiated any of our calls yet we've been talking on Skype every day. I've never asked about any of the movies, or the games. All of our time together has been him. And as one of you said, it's starting to feel like I'm being a crutch. He gets to evade the 'I'm single and lonely' post break up blues. He gets the best of both worlds. He's rid of his obligations and pressuring commitment to me, but he still gets to enjoy my company and his time with me.
  
  And I'm sure the second another girl came into the picture I'd probably hardly ever hear from him again.
- #4
  
  Hollandia commented
  
  September 28, 2014, 07:57 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  He is being really unfair to you. I agree that you should cut ties for a few months. He wanted to break up then he needs to let you go to be alone and move on. I would start doing some blind dates just to dip my toe in the water and pull back from those old feelings you still have. They will cause you nothing but pain.
Previous template Next

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Announcement

Confusing Break Up