So my boyfriend and I had our first argument of sorts today. It wasn't huge and only lasted like an hour, if that. It seems like some of my word choices and ways of going about small talk do not register or sit well with him... sometimes? He's not a huge talker, so I think he's not used to my efforts and ways of talking to and he misinterprets my intention behind it.

I'm a person who says "I'm sorry" a lot. And sometimes I say it in a joking manner as well. I have many reasons behind saying I'm sorry and the majority of the time it is not apologetic or overly sympathetic. Today I messaged him asking what he had been up to today. He said he watched a show and took a nap. I asked him how the nap went and he said "It was okay" to which I said "I'm sorry" in a lighthearted intention, with no real deep meaning behind it.
And it just turned into something stupid. He didn't understand my use of the phrase. And he told me he didn't like me questioning him, and that asking how a nap was isn't a normal question people tend to ask. I explained to him that when people ask how something was it's usually a little gesture to show they care and have an interest in you. It's not like I was interrogating him. He then went on to tell me that I need to think more before I speak, my word choice, and think of how my words will be interpreted even though there was not a lot of context behind what was said. This is literally how it went:

Me: So how have you been doing this morning/early afternoon?
Him: Good. Watched some One Piece and then took a bit of a nap.
Me: And how was the nap?
Him: It was okay.
Me: I'm sorry.
Him: Why the hell are you apologizing for that??
Me: All naps should be good naps!
Him: You seem to have this idea that there is a negative connotation with that word.

And it went from there. I know in some cultures it's common to say I'm sorry as a response to a lot of things but in the US it isn't terribly common. I'm used to people being thrown off by me saying I'm sorry, and I always make sure to explain it to them the first time it happens. But other than that I didn't see how what I had said would called for a need to think about my word choices. Because the things I said weren't that big of a deal to me. I will often ask people how something went to show I care, with humorous intent, or even just as small talk to keep the conversation flowing. Heck, I'll ask my best friend how her trip to the bathroom went. Obviously I am not truly concerned about her bowel movements.

He just ended up criticizing me left and right. He told me it's fine to ask him about bigger things but he doesn't like being questioned about every little thing. I told him my intentions and I'd appreciate it if instead of getting so snippy with me over something like this I wish he'd just ask that we clarify it before it annoys him so much like it was today. And he then went on to say that I need to accept that misunderstandings are going to happen because we don't always know the person's intention behind the things they say and we need to take a step back and think about the meaning and intention behind their words, and do the same with ourselves before we speak. I told him no one is a mind reader and it's not fair to sit back and over-analyze a person without communicating with them. People should be able to be honest and up front and say exactly what they mean and we should be able to trust that what someone says is exactly what they mean. If you are unsure, you inquire. You don't analyze it because there are chances you're wrong. And in my experience, people who over-analyze the things I say and my intention are more often than not wrong, and it's often negative. And it leaves both of us feeling needlessly angry or hurt.

He then went on to say he was beginning to feel like an asshole for having brought it up and made it into something bigger than it was. I do think he blew it out of proportion. He then went on to explain to me that when he's tired he can get annoyed by things very easily, but he tends to not hold onto them for very long and it was probably why he had made it a big deal when it wasn't.

It still hurt my feelings. He was basically criticizing the way I speak.

It's like someone from another country griping at an American who says y'all and going as far as to dig into American interpretation of grammar and literacy and not following the same rules as the rest of the world. Then condemning that individual for the habits they could not help but have as they developed them in their youth thanks to American public schooling which they had no choice but to attend. Suck it up. It's just something that's become engraved in the person due to where they grew up and how they were raised. You don't need to make them feel bad for something they cannot help.