I feel like sometimes I am one of those individuals who is cursed to be forever misunderstood and misinterpreted. My default bitch state (I have hooded lids!) and shy demeanor makes me look stuck up or mean. And the lack of reiteration of our situation to my boyfriend and the fact that it is a mutual agreement makes me look like some mooch girlfriend who is being fully supported by her boyfriend. I haven't affected his rent and bills at all. And I made sure to save up lots of money before I came. He offered to cover rent and utilities for me as long as I financially supported myself otherwise while attending college. But they always ask him stuff like "Is she looking for a job?" "Is she even helping you find a place?" etc etc and I can only imagine what I look like in their eyes. Even today when he and I went out to lunch with his mom, as soon as he went to the bathroom she started asking me questions about work. I just started classes, why not ask me about that? I know why...
Your son offered to have me move up here with him.
I told him I could not work and be a full time student, so I initially declined.
He offered to cover rent and utilities for the two of us while I am a student.
I saved up money so that I wouldn't have to rely on him financially other than what he offered.
Even though he doesn't expect me to find a job I told him I would consider it given our circumstances.
I pay for my own food and transportation.
I pay for his food more often than he does mine.
I have been doing the majority of the searching.
I have been the one handling the communication between landlords and tenants.
I have been the one handling paperwork (other than your son filling out his applications).
I am the one who does our share of the housework around the house.
I am not a fucking mooch.
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First off, breathe! And then just stop caring about what they say, at all, period.
My husband and I live our own life and people question what we do non-stop, and I got upset at the beginning, but we live a good life and don't need the things people think we need. I came here with my savings and we had a mutual agreement that he would cover rent and all other expenses as long as I kept the apartment clean and would do the household chores, like taking out the trash and doing the dishes and that's what we did.
People keep trying to tell me we need to move out from this apartment and find our own, buy a car, get a driver's license, get a phone, etc., etc., but we manage just fine, to the point where we have $0 in debt and quite some savings, because we don't need to waste money on for example phones that we don't need - if there is calls we need to make we simply call through Skype. I don't need people to give me rides just because I don't have a car. I take the bus everywhere and while it sucks that it's late or sometimes skips one bus, I am fine with it and because I am so fine with it into their faces when they try to berate me, they respect it to the point where they offer me rides because they feel bad. I am so self-sufficient when it comes to even walking to get something done, that even my co-workers now offer me rides because they don't want me to walk all the time.
All you really have to do is see if the two of you are comfortable in this situation together and then don't give a shit about what the haters say, because they will say shit no matter what you do. Don't let them bully you for a decision you both made!!
But all they ever do is crack jokes about him not having a job. I'm pretty tired of it.
I sometimes think the only reason my extended family likes Tam so much is because I'm the unemployable one so far, and Tam can get jobs pretty easily.