21 days till we close the distance, as my SO so helpfully pointed out this morning when he woke up. It's a miracle he's still even my SO at this point. The past few days haven't been easy for us, and it's mostly my fault really.
About a week ago I got a pretty bad grand mal seizure that necessitated my parents having to bring me to the emergency room. Now I have been living with a diagnosis of epilepsy since I was twenty, and thankfully I've had only a few seizures over the past seven years. However this attack couldn't have come at a worse time, namely during my review for the physician's licensure. Ironically this stress is probably what set the seizure off.
For me the hardest part about being an epileptic isn't the seizures themselves; as painful, difficult and frightening as they are, I recover fairly easily from them. The difficult part is dealing with the helplessness and depression that follow each episode, of having to adjust my medications and routines again, of seeing the scared look in my parents' faces as they try to be (overly) protective again. And well during this particular depressive drag I ended up taking a lot of it out on my SO, asking him if he could seriously imagine life with a woman with as many chronic illnesses as I have, if he was okay that any of our future kids could inherit these problems, etc. Part of my prideful self doesn't want him to see this mess I am in, and feels that I am dragging him down.
But still he stays. And I have come to realize that while I have been used to bearing up alone, this time....I don't have to anymore.
At least my family is starting to accept that he's going to be around; for one thing my dad and my younger sister were both kind enough to update him about my condition when I was still in the hospital. My mom has agreed that on the day before my exams he can come over and hang out at our place or we can go to a nearby mall. Just so we can both have our peace of mind.
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Katy_G started a blog post 21 days ----on epilepsy, taking a break from work, and what's after21 days ----on epilepsy, taking a break from work, and what's after
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I said it today to my SO, I find it quite normal for the people who love the other dearly to accept their physical illnesses just as much. Even when it comes to children, no matter how scary it is, they may even end up being better ones because of that. And sharing children with someone you love is completely worth it either way.
I know it can be practically impossible now, takes a lot of time and effort. But fight the emotional and mental effects, well, with your SO. Don't let a physical illness define you, if anything it makes you a stronger person in my eyes~
I am sure life with you will be wonderful for him, just harder and accompanied with some worrying. But I think it's totally worth it. You are lucky by the way, cherish the times together and best of luck in closing the distance
You have a lot on your plate for sure. And going to the dark side is expected. I cant tell you to put on your big girl pants and get over it, cuz life doesn't work that way. Perhaps you can come up with a list of why you love him , and all the better things going on in your life. I find looking over and reading the positives, looking at a silly picture of us together, or a sweet text/email my so sent can sometimes be enough to start that happy spark again . Its HARD. I get that. And as hard as it is, when you have kids, there is NO guarantee that they come out perfect, even if you are genetically "fine". There are so many throw back genes etc,. that unless you have seriously compromising illnesses, you cant have a healthy child. And if it really concerns ou, there are genetic test you can take if you want to go ivf route that can screen for serious stuff.
Keep on keeping on.. Chin up my dear, you get to be with your love soon. Take care of YOU first!
Something that people usually don't really see. There are SO MANY things that could happen to a child completely unexpectedly, no one's guaranteed a healthy child just because they are "fine". And I actually think that when it's something you've dealt with so many years is less bad than something completely new.
And people with chronic illnesses deserve children just as much if not more.
I didn't mention it above, but my SO suffers from a chronic illness. It's affected him psychologically more than physically, I think. Anyway I am on the same end of this as your SO. Though my SO's thing isn't necessarily genetic.