Adjusting to publicly dating, calling him my boyfriend, etc. has been such a strange experience. I'd been single for the longest period in my life since I was 15, and now suddenly he's real and he's interested and he was here and I didn't have to fight to get him here, and it's bizarre to me that he even exists!

I think everything is still kind of new and exciting and hasn't quite settled down yet, but I also feel really comfortable with him. I've still got that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that he's going to lose interest, though, and I'm quite sure this is mainly a result of the amount of time I spent struggling to repair my last relationship, where I spent over a year walking on eggshells trying to get my ex to straighten out. A tiny bit of it also stems from the way Brendan communicates via text, and that is something that I have brought up and that he has acknowledged, but he has been really, really good about doing better in that regard, and I'm doing better at reminding myself that no, he has not lost interest, he is just not communicating effectively.

I've already purchased my tickets to go up to see him at the end of May during memorial day weekend, so thankfully I've got that settled and I don't need to worry about it (as I am prone to do). It's three months away, but I'm so thankful that he lives close enough that I can afford to go see him several times a year. I would much rather spend my money on that than the fluff I'd spend it on otherwise (mainly clothes and food, things I really don't need more of).

Future plans have kind of been crossing my mind a lot lately, though, I think mainly because we just don't know what he'll be doing after March ends. He's looking into masters programs as well as jobs, and I worry a little about his jobs because the nature of his work is often seasonal or temporary, as he works in conservation biology and a lot of this involves a field season during spring and summer, which is the kind of work he enjoys most. I feel like I may have to leave my job here and move to Canada if we're to close the distance. This isn't a bad thing, per se, but I do have a really good job here and I'd be well on track to a fulfilling lifelong career if I stayed. Unfortunately, I think it would also be much easier for me to get a job near him than for him to get a job near me (especially given the US climate with regard to visas and immigration), partly because of the nature of his work (often very specific to certain areas) and partly because of how broad my skillset is.