We said our goodbyes and then.....silence, i knew exactly what he wanted me to say but i just couldn't.
After about 30 seconds of awkward silence he said "What do i have to do to get you to say those 3 little words?"
I sign off every msn conversation,every email with I Love You, i was the first person to say I Love You when i had no idea if he felt the same, and yet when i comes to actually saying it... i can't say it first.
I know he loves me and he will always tell me he loves me too but theres that doubt that maybe he wont this time.
He was pretty upset about it, he tried to say it was fine but i could tell by his tone that it hurt.
I said i was sorry but it's a mental block i have, as i did tell my Ex that i loved him and he didn't always say it back and it hurts.
"But i've never done that, never will do that" he said sounding even more hurt.
And i KNOW that's true but i still find it really hard, what chance has he got of understanding me when i do things i dont understand myself.
Like his computer is dead so the only form of contact we have is phone calls, which is fine right?
Wrong as i don't like calling unless he messages me to tell me he's free, as i dont want to bother him while he's doing something or waking him if he's sleeping. He said if he's busy he'll tell me when to call him back and if he's sleeping he'll wake up. If i was in his position this would be driving me nuts! theres just no logic in it and yet i can't help myself.
I just seem to like making simple things and big issue, another example. I bought a webcam, yet i'm scared to death of turning it on! he knows what i look like (i've even sent some naughty pics),he's heard my voice. Theres no logical reason to be soo nervous about it yet i am.
I dont understand how i can be this way? i really dont. Im scared he's going to get fed up with my stupid behaviour and call it quits.
I just have no idea how i can deal with these problems when i don't understand why i'm like it in the first place.
Just take a deep breathe and say it. It will only help your relationship.
Took a deep breathe and blurted it out at the end of the phone call....shocked him abit... enough for him to say "You said it first!!" quite excitedly before saying he loved me too XD
I've decided it's time i let go of old hang ups and just enjoyed my relationship.
Thanks ladies xxx