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lilspitfire started a blog post So sadSo sad
We fought again. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but I keep hurting him. We might break up. I can understand if we do. He deserves better. So much better than me. If you could see how amazing and wonderful he truly is. The best boyfriend I ever have had. I just…….I can’t explain it. Why do I get upset at the silliest things when he’s freaking wonderful? Maybe I’m sabotaging it because I believe that I don’t deserve anyone good. And he is good. Sweet and funny and smart. Always trying to make me laugh. Comfort me when I’m sad. Listen and console me when I’m angry. I read the “Hunger Games series” and he’s my Peeta Mellark. There’s a line in the book “Catching Fire” that tore me to pieces when I read it. “You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know.” That was to Katniss about Peeta. This is to me about him. I don’t deserve him. Not one iota of him. And it hurts so much. I wish I could take away his pain, but I cause it instead. I deserve the pain. Not him. Not my googly bear. The worst part is knowing that I’ll never get to meet him. Never hug him, kiss him. Never lay my head on his chest at night just listening to him breathe. Never wake up with him in the morning and go to bed with him at night. Never brush his hair from his forehead while he lies with me on the couch watching TV or a movie. Never hold his hand. Never wrestle on the bed with him. Never whisper “I love you” in his ear or hear him whisper it mine. And the worst of the worst…..never be his girl or kitten again.You must be logged in to post a comment.
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You are going to hurt each other countless more times and you need to learn how to deal with something like this better. In a relationship hurting the other person is going to happen accidentally as you learn more about them. Hiding away and not doing anything to make him see that you are sorry, is going to make him feel like you don't care about him, but only how YOU feel for hurting him. Put aside these feelings and see what you can do to make him see that you really didn't mean to make him feel this way.
Example:
I slept through our one monthiversary. To me, one month wasn't as important, but to him it meant the world. For the first day I felt like shit. I hid away, made myself more and more miserable by telling myself I was an awful girlfriend and all that jazz. Then I stopped and did something to prove to him that I was sorry. I asked 30 of our common friends to tell him I was sorry. I told everyone what happened and asked them to send him a message on Steam to let him know that it was stupid of me and I am really sorry. All of those friends talked to him for a while after they send it to him and told him not to leave me, because I was really sorry. He felt like I really meant it and forgave me right as he finished talking to everyone.
Now it's up to you. What can you do to let him see that you are sorry? Trust me, you are good enough for him.
@Hollandia Just stupid stuff. I have this thing where I dislike when someone is already messaging me something and then they leave and just leave me hanging. I've asked him over and over "Why can't you say afk or brb? You already sent me something. What's the 3 extra seconds to add that to it?" He gets easily distracted though and he's very forgetful. I'm trying to accept it. Right after we have the discussion of saying brb or afk he tries to make a joke about asking my permission to eat and it blew me away because I wasn't saying that at all. Then he couldn't explain the joke to where I got the humor. It was all a cluster F after that.
@sanja Yes, I am sometimes. Thank you so much for your kind words *hugs*