Well, I think I just blew it...my future.

My boyfriend and I had an awesome day yesterday! He came with me to my college and I gave him the tour of the school. He also came with me while I ran errands, and then we went back to my house. When we were there, we watched some TV and listened to some music and cuddled. When we were cuddling, we talked for awhile like we normally do. My brother was on the phone in his room with his girlfriend; they are long distance too and have never met each other. They've been together about 7 or 8 months, and Anthony and I have been together a little over 10 months. Well, my brother is turning 17 and his girlfriend is 15. They are already talking about the future, and claim to be engaged already. They've even picked out the color couch they'd like to have in their house one day! I told Anthony about this, and how I found it kind of ridiculous that they are thinking so much into the future because they are so young. I think I may have blown my chance though. I've been best friends with Anthony for 12 years now, and I knew when I was 9 years old I wanted to marry him. I've been hearing wedding bells for a long time now, and it's getting stronger. I really want Anthony to propose to me on our anniversary in August, though I doubt that'd happen. Even before the conversation, I doubted he would. Now, because I was talking about my brother and his girlfriend and their future conversations, I am afraid Anthony will think I'm not ready for commitment like that. In reality, it's the complete opposite! I'm totally ready for commitment, but I don't want to be married just yet. I just want him to propose so I know we'll be together and will get married some day. I'd like to be married at around 26 or 27. Anthony's 19 and I'll be 19 in August. I think I may have said the things about my brother's relationship because I was subconsciously trying to cover up and hide the fact that I want to get engaged because I know how 19 year old guys can be...I know it'd scare him so much if I ever brought up the topic of marriage or engagement to him right now. So, I think I may have either been trying to hide it or trying to start up a conversation subconsciously by bringing it up and bashing my brother. Maybe it's because my brother isn't even 17 yet and he still feels like my baby brother, so I'm scared to see him get hurt. I just hope I didn't ruin a chance of getting engaged any time soon because of one stupid comment. (Again, not that I was thinking Anthony would propose just yet, but I don't want him to rule it out completely). If anything, a promise ring would be great...I doubt he knows about those though. =\ I feel like my thoughts are completely absurd and irrational.