We have to put our phone conversation on hold again. I asked for one yesterday but he had a ton of homework due between then and today. I asked yesterday if we could try for today and he wasn't sure at the time, but would let me know. He never got back to me today so I texted him asking him how it was going and he wrote back "oh god." and that was it. I sent him a text "Just hang in there, Anthony. *hugs* I love you so much! <3" and he replied "*hugs* I love you too, and thanks". I feel so bad for him, he's just struggling so much right now with school, and then there's me being all selfish asking him to talk to me. I feel terrible now for even asking yesterday. I want to talk to him more than anything right now because I was going to address our communication again, but that'd only add to the burden he has on him right now. I'm torn...I'm making myself crazy because I can't talk to him, but at the same time I'm also feeling sympathetic for him because I know how busy he is and how stressed out he is. I had a breakdown moment before where I told myself I didn't want to do this anymore. I was sick of the distance and sick of us not being able to talk whenever we want to. But, I realized I was overreacting. I love Anthony more than anything, and I know he feels the same way too; we've both wanted to be together our whole lives and now we're together! Granted, the circumstances may not be ideal, but we're together. He'll be home in a month from today, which feels like an eternity. I feel so overwhelmed by the distance right now, which I don't know why I do, because we've been LD for awhile. I guess some days are just harder than others. These past few days are extraordinarily rough on me. I've convinced myself numerous times that Anthony doesn't love me because he hasn't really texted me that much lately, but I know how busy he is also, and then I realize I'm overreacting and overthinking. Whenever we're together, or on the phone, I can hear it in his voice how much he cares and loves me. When we're together, it's so obvious when I look in his eyes how happy he is with me and I can see nothing but love for me in his eyes. I wish I could always see that, so I can always be reminded of this and stop feeling so insecure. This blog has just turned into a complete rant and I'm so sorry to anyone who's still reading this lol. I complain so much, I know....I'm sorry. These weak moments are so hard and I just don't know how to make myself happy and stop thinking so much about the distance. It's so hard when there's no end in sight. Sure he'll be coming home for Thanksgiving for a week, and 3 weeks at Christmas. But, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel in closing the distance. Maybe it's because I know it won't happen for a long time. Here's the potential breakdown thus far as far as closing the distance:

I graduate undergrad in college: May 2014
He graduates undergrad in college: January 2015 or May 2015 (he's doing a 5 year program, and it depends how his credits fall)
I go to tech school, 24 month program...expected graduation: July 2016
He goes to grad school at his current college, expected graduation: May 2016 (if he gets done in 1 year, could be longer)

This is our best case scenario...2016 looks like it'll be the year. But when I think about it, that's like a lifetime away from now and it makes me discouraged knowing we still have YEARS to go in order to get to that point. He will be home for the summer in 2014 and maybe 2015 hopefully. This year and probably next year, he'll be interning either in Rochester or another city during those summers. Wow, this blog really did turn into verbal diarrhea...I totally rambled about the most random things. Anyway, I really am overwhelmed right now by the distance and the fact that we're so far away from being CD. I guess I can keep daydreaming about the future though lol.