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loveknowsnodistance27 started a blog post Middle of the Night MeltdownMiddle of the Night Meltdown
Last night, I could not sleep for the life of me. Finally I fell asleep around 2:30am. I went to bed that night feeling upset for no real reason (I have my period, so it's probably just that whole thing), so I was in a bad mood after waking up from 2.5 hours of sleep. I was woken up by a text at 5am from my former college telling me that campus was closed for a snow day for weekend college. Most pointless text ever, seeing as I don't go there anymore, nor did I go to weekend college. Anyway, I couldn't go back to sleep so I checked FB on my iPod. When I was on FB I saw one of Anthony's friends from floor (Ryan) was tagged in a picture that Ryan's girlfriend had taken. Anthony was tagged in it too, and he looked amazing in the picture so I instantly began missing him. Ryan's girlfriend had been in Rochester since January 8th or so. Then, I started thinking that maybe Ryan's girlfriend had transferred to their school because she lives in California and the college is in upstate New York and 2 weeks is a really long visit. All of a sudden, I started to RAGE over the distance to myself. I hated myself for not choosing to close the distance upon leaving my old college. I decided to go to a community college to finish my associate's hopefully this December coming up. I will then be transferring to Anthony's school in September 2013. I was very angry when I'd woken up, and I could not stop thinking about how much I hate this distance and it seemed to be endless and felt like the end of the world to me. I felt like giving up on it, but I realized I couldn't do that because I love Anthony too much to give up on us because of the distance, so then I felt trapped. I just want to be close distance already!!! Last night was just bad. I woke up around 9:30am feeling a little better. I couldn't really pinpoint my anger and I just chalked it up to my period and lack of sleep. I also realized by putting two and two together that the picture that Ryan's girlfriend posted was from a week ago, when she was visiting, so she probably didn't transfer after all. I think I got semi-jealous because I thought she transferred to their school, and I wanted that too. Anyway, sorry for my rant. Now after typing this, it all sounds so silly and dumb. Anthony and I are supposed to talk on the phone today. Hopefully it works out. I kind of think I should tell him this, but at the same time, I don't think it'll help anything, because it'll make him feel bad about going away to school and make him feel helpless because he would realize that I feel upset because of something he had done (gone away to school). That was his own decision and I knew this was how it had to be when I said yes to dating him, so I'm in this for the long haul! We've been doing well, and have made it 1.5 years, so we're just about halfway there! I'm transferring up there in about a year and 7 months. I need to keep my eyes and mind on the prize...getting to live with Anthony forever and spend our lives together once we get through the distance. Also, I'm visiting in 13 days, so I need to stay positive and focus on the upcoming visit. We're both super excited for the trip, and it's just what I needed. Less than 2 weeks to go...just keep on trucking on, Jen. Keep going. I can do this.You must be logged in to post a comment.
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But i'm glad you got to talk to Anthony. Lol i do that too, i say im not going to tell him my worries because they seem petty or silly but then when i talk i vent it all out to him as soon as he's on lol. Im really self concious, and i get thoughts in my head, so i worry im to much for him to handle, or i'll be to needy or something, but he reassures me that these feelings are all normal. Distance is hard and it takes a toll on our emotions. Your SO loves you, enough to take all the struggles that we girls with all our hormones and self issues have lol. But I think that this makes the relationship stronger. Your SO is your partner, you should be able to lean on each other, and the reassurance helps. And then you let it out, and move on. Anyways just giving my 2 cents, hope you had a good weekend.