1.)My SO is coming home in 12 days! I am soooo excited for him to come home. It's only been 12 days since we've last seen each other, and it's 12 days until we see each other, so we're halfway there. However, it feels as if it's been forever since I've seen him because I haven't heard from him that much since I flew home. I was talking with my stepmom recently and we discussed how far Anthony and I got the last time I visited lol. Yes, I feel comfortable enough to talk to her about that because I know she won't judge me or scold me...if anything she encourages us. She was so proud of the fact that we were able to get more intimate. She actually offered to go with my dad out of town for the weekend that Anthony comes home so we can have the house to ourselves for a weekend. I spoke to her the other day and she said that she and my dad cannot afford to go away for more than one night, so they will leave on Saturday and come back Sunday evening. So, we will still have the house to ourselves for one night, which is better than nothing. I mean, we will have privacy even when we do go out there Friday night. My bedroom is upstairs and the room takes up the entire second floor of the house. My stepsister, whom I share a room with will not be home that weekend either, so Anthony and I will be able to be as loud as we want and do whatever we want to without having to worry about people walking in on us, hearing us, etc.
I am soooo excited for the physical connection again. I just miss his presence...both his physically being here with me and even his mental presence. When he's at school, we don't get to talk as much and he's not as attentive to me as well as my needs which sucks, but I've gotten used to. Will discuss that more in my next topic.2.) The honeymoon is over. We haven't been communicating as well lately. Ever since I left Rochester from my visit, I feel very disconnected from him and I miss him so badly. I've tried to initiate dirty texting this week twice, which we've never done before since we hadn't been intimate before my visit. But, he was talking to someone on floor about problems with his server the first night I tried and then the second night I tried, he had to do homework, and then we almost got into a fight. I was extremely horny all week because I got my period and this was my ring-free week for my birth control...my libido is just totally shot when I it's in and we're apart, so this was a change for me and I really wanted to talk dirty to him to try and relieve some of that because I felt too gross to go take care of it myself. My period was pretty heavy for two nights, including the night I texted him. He has not texted me first since I left, which hurts because I love when he texts me first, and we can't really hold a conversation for a long time. It's hard because right now he's on academic probation at school and he's going into his last week of classes of the quarter, then finals are the week after. This is his last straw; he's been on academic probation for several quarters now and if he doesn't pass his classes this quarter, he is not allowed to take classes at his school for a year and will be back home. He's really been focused a lot on that to try and get the grades, and he thinks he can do it, but I don't know. He hasn't talked a lot about school because he's so stressed out about it. I know that's probably the reason he isn't initiating conversations, but it sucks not really being able to talk. I just miss hearing from him. I've tried to give him some space to let him get everything done, but it's hard for me. I know in 12 days, all of the stress will be done for him and it'll be out of his hands and whatever happens happens. Then, he will be home with me for a week and will be attentive and present.
3.) I visited Anthony's mom yesterday. When he's home from school, Anthony lives a mile away from me, so I decided to visit her because she was on my mind yesterday. I hadn't seen her since Christmas Day and I missed talking to her, so I dropped by unannounced. We chatted for almost 2 hours. It's always so weird going there when he's not home because it's so quiet and I really feel the distance then. We discussed a lot of things from my depression, to Anthony's school problems. She is super nervous for him, as am I. But, there's nothing we can do about it and we can't influence the outcome. Back in December, they had a lot of problems and he was told he couldn't stay at his house if he comes home for spring break. But, they've made up since then and she told me about what happened. She said Anthony is allowed to come home for spring break as long as he follows a few rules she is putting in place for him to try and resolve the fighting. I don't know if he knows that yet, but I am texting him as I type this out and I told him I spoke to his mom. If he responds to that, I will tell him that she said he can come home. His mother really likes me a lot and trusts me. She doesn't trust Anthony, but if he goes somewhere when he's home and she knows he's with me, then she is fine with him being out.
We spoke about Anthony and my relationship a lot too. She can tell how hard it is for both of us, but she said to me that down the line it will only be a very small amount of time. She said to me that we have 13 years of history already, which we do. She said that in the future, when we do get to finally be together that the 3 years will seem like nothing and it will be well worth it. His MOTHER was talking to ME about our FUTURE!!! She can see a future for Anthony and I, as can my parents, and as can the two of us. This is awesome that everyone is on the same page. She also told me that there's no need for me to worry about him when he's up there, because he only has eyes for me and that he's not doing anything bad. I already knew that, and I didn't even show signs of being concerned when I was there, but it is reassuring to hear that from her. It was a very nice evening and I'm so glad I got to see her again. I love spending time with her one on one and getting to talk like this. I try to stop by every few months or so to visit her and see how everything is. I think she really appreciates it and she is always very welcoming. She doesn't judge me and she treats me like a part of the family. I feel like I fit in very well with his family, which I love because it makes it easier for holidays and such, and obviously for the future!4.) BOOK YOUR DAMN TRIP HOME ALREADY!!! Excuse me for a second. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Sorry, I had to release my anxiety. I am so fucking nervous. He hasn't booked the train tickets yet. He'll be here in 12 days. He has 9 more days he can actually book them at a good price, so he NEEDS to get on this. I am so terrified that he won't book it. I hope he knows his mom says he can come home, because he was waiting mainly for that. I know it's out of my hands, but I have had several anxiety attacks because I'm afraid he's going to wait too long and then not be able to book them and therefore won't come home. He promised me on 6 separate occasions that he will be coming home for sure, so I guess I just need to trust him. He's never broken a promise to me in 13 years, so I don't think he'll start now. *fingers and toes crossed* I don't want to nag him about it because I've mentioned it a few times, and he's told me he will.