This is my first blog entry since the break up. I'm doing okay with it. We've been in contact twice since it happened, both initiated by him. I was actually happy to hear from him.

I really want to say thank you to everyone here, and to my friends who have been there for me through all of this. You guys are AMAZING and I would not be doing as well as I am without your support. I don't think you guys will ever realize just how important you are to me and how much I love all of you. You're all so sweet and caring and genuine and I can never thank you enough for all you've done/continue to do for me since I first joined. I am so touched. To those of you who have been checking up with me on Facebook chat daily and letting me rant or cry or vent to you, thank you. I know true friendship, and you are all true blue friends.

Back to the contact. The first time was the night after it happened. I was tweeting a lot and even though I didn't even mention the break up or anything, Anthony texted me.

Anthony: "Everything alright over there?"
Me: "Yeah"
Anthony: "What's with that Twitter post then?"
Me: "Nothing. Just in a not so great mood."
Anthony: "Oh okay."
Me: "Thanks for checking up on me bud."
Anthony: "No problem."
Me: "I'm going to bed. Night."
Anthony: "G'night"

I was extremely surprised when he texted me, because he hadn't contacted me first like at all in the past few months before the break up. I felt like he truly cared about me. We are remaining friends, but I was planning on cutting contact for awhile. Clearly, he didn't lol. After that, I didn't hear from him until yesterday. I posted a Facebook status which he commented on. I did well on a midterm and he wrote "Kudos". I know it's not much, but once again, he is making himself present still.

I am regretting not trying to fight for the relationship that night. I know it wouldn't have solved anything, and it may have made things be even worse, but in my mind, I still wish I could've changed his mind. I want him back. I really do. I am so glad we're staying friends, so he won't be out of my life completely and I think we will get back together at some point down the line. Our friends John and Alyssa went through something similar last year around the same amount of time in their relationship as we did. They had broken up and remained friends. That lasted 9 months before John realized he made a huge mistake and begged Alyssa to take him back. She did, and they are now back together and are as happy as can be. Our relationship tended to parrot John and Alyssa's. Anthony tended to follow John's lead in the beginning and the fact that we broke up around the same time that John and Alyssa did in their relationship leads me to believe that one day, it is possible that we could get back together. I am not focusing solely on that though. I am taking the time to focus on me, myself and I. I've focused so much more on school. I had midterms yesterday, and I did so well on both of them! I was actually on academic probation in one of my classes and because I did so well on the midterm, I pulled myself out of the danger zone and raised my average a lot. So, in a way, this was a blessing in disguise in that regard. I don't feel as stressed out now that I don't have the relationship in the back of my head. He and I both have no plans to date for quite awhile. He is in a very competitive program in school too and has a ton of work for it all the time, so I think this is good for us to focus on what we need to get done right now, which is school.