And this does have its effects on my relationship, not that I am blaming my relationship problems on my PTSD, but a lot of times I do over react to things simply because of my anxiety. And it does make the relationship difficult.
Children with PTSD are known to latch onto and be unusually clingy with adults that they trust and feel close to. This is especially true with me (I've suffered with PTSD since childhood). And I latched on to my boyfriend. He's my safety blanket, my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and my everything. I have grown to emotionally rely on him, which is something I have never done before. I took care of myself as a child, from cleaning, cooking, to learning. I didn't have help except from my dad every other weekend. So I'm not used to relying on anyone for anything. And it scares me.
Maybe that's why I get so worked up when little things happen. And by little things I mean one comment being made that I take completely out of context and worry about for hours, days, and sometimes weeks.
Of course this is an issue. I am a big believer in expressing your feelings no matter what. And when I get so worked up about something so small, or nothing at all sometimes, it can make it sound like I'm not appreciative and actually push my boyfriend farther away, when that's not what I want at all. And its not that expressing your feelings is a bad thing. Its that I get worked up about things and even I don't know why. My anxiety can get high for no reason sometimes and I take it out on him by accident.
I feel horrible about it.. and he knows I don't mean it later on but in the moment it can get bad.
Sometimes one comment is going to throw me off completely and I worry about it for an unreasonable long time. I don't want to bring it up to him, because I know that it is not how he meant it, but it is how I got it. I am trying something now that I read on a blog and so far it works pretty well.
1- whatever your first reaction is, halt and don't do it.
My first reaction is to take it on a very personal level and feel hurt by it. So I stop myself right before it happens and think about it. Did he really mean it this way? No way, he wouldn't want to hurt me, so what could he mean? If I can't come up with a different reason, I confront him.
The other day he said "my grip of the English language is far superior to yours" and it hurt me, because I took it on a different level than he meant it. He was simply proud that he knew so many words and expressions that I didn't know and he could teach me all those words. I understood it as "I am so much better than you, you are nothing" and I got upset.
We talked it out and I agree, his grip of the English language is far superior to mine, but that makes sense since I have been learning it for 15 years and he has been speaking it for 33 :P
So, I get it. When it happens again, take a step back and see the neutral side of it. If it still hurts you, bring it up.