The other day he asked for his days off for our trip to Colorado to get married (of course he didn't mention the marriage part). His boss gave him a hard time, but my SO is tough as nails and was basically like "sorry, but I'm leaving during these days, figure it out" So I asked him when is he going to tell his work that we're married. He says right before we move to the USA.
Whaat? I thought we had agreed on telling people after we were married that we were married. I don't know if I'm okay pretending to not be married around his friends and coworkers. He said he would tell them the truth if they asked, but not offer the information. He thinks that still when they find out we're married they'll stop paying part of his tuition.
But I think it would be WORSE to try to keep it a secret once we're married. Because look, it's not going to stay a secret. I think he should sort of let them just find out, through facebook pictures and such (how I plan to). Let it spread on its own and just be very matter of fact about it "yeah I'm married, so?" He can even say it's for ME to get residency HERE. Which could be partly true, I still don't have my residency yet. And we are both happy here and I have a job that pays very well for this area.
My SO says no one will believe that. See, my SO getting married is a huge muther fucking deal. He was the bachelor king of all Bachelor-ville. When he left to live with me in the USA for 6 months people he knew basically had a heart attack. And now marriage? My SO is so sure that people will automatically assume it's to move to the USA (which.. I guess technically it is...)
It's basically a facebook issue. It *will* get out. I'm not friends with any of his work friends, but I can't tell everyone on my facebook page to not say anything to him or whatever. The internet is too big now. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to NOT put my wedding pictures on facebook to share with all my friends and family. Especially since I live in CR and don't even get to share the wedding with them. I won't tag him, but that doesn't mean other people won't. And I don't have to change my status to "married to", but that doesn't mean other people won't write on his wall or whatever. I just see no possible way in avoiding telling the internet.
Plus there's the issue of our rings. I would wear mine probably all the time, but that's no biggie since I like rings and wear them frequently. But my SO doesn't have jewelry so wearing a ring would mean something. He wouldn't wear it to work or wear it much at all, but when we go out he said he will. So will he not wear it if we go out with his work friends? (which we do quite often)
It's just too complicated.
What do you guys think? Should we go "public" after the wedding? Or try to keep it a secret a while longer?
(On a side note I think I'm done with our ceremony script! I went through and changed a lot from what I posted on my blog. I'll post it at a later date if you guys actually want to read it. I showed it to my SO and he liked how short it was. He says he's only been to Catholic weddings and they take like 2 hours, so he was impressed with my brevity! When I said I wanted to read poems to each other instead of vows he thought it was kind of stupid. But in the end he said he would do it. Also, I asked my friend if he would marry us and he never wrote me back. I guess we're not that close, but I didn't think it was a big deal. If he asked me to marry him and his girlfriend I would totally do it! So I guess we'll see what he says. But I also wrote my aunt and uncle and they say they're sure they can find someone. And if they can't find anyone then my uncle said he'll get ordained and do it for us. Perfect
I'll just have to make sure he doesn't say "radical" or "dude" in the middle of our vows... "will you take this radical dude to be your husband?")
Last night we went out to dinner and I brought it up again. I basically told him everything I wrote here and I said the only real way around the internet NOT finding out is for him to delete his facebook page. I said I was totally cool with that if that's what he wanted to do. Finally he is just kind of like "whatever, tag me!" So it looks like he won't make me keep it a secret anymore. Which is great!