My sister left this morning! (side story- while driving to the airport at 12am [flight left at 2am] about 1 km before the airport the entire road was closed off. No signs, just the entire, and only road was closed off. After asking at some bars we found our way, but goodness freaking gracious! This goddam country! That's why I leave to the airport early, not for the lines in the airport, for the potential fuck ups that are constantly happening to the road.) And I'm sad she's gone, but also so freaking relieved. My sister and I get along really well, but after 4 straight days with her she was driving me crazy. She wasn't really doing anything wrong, it was just little things. Sometimes I feel like I have to babysit her. Like every day I have to ask "did you put on deodorant?" or she won't and she'll stink. I was trying so hard to be nice, but it just wasn't working. It didn't help that my SO was constantly telling me "quit acting like a bitch to your sister!"

So tonight when we got back from the airport I broke down. I was so stressed out because I found out my job wants me to teach 9th grade English, which I have NO experience teaching at all. Plus my residency is fucked... AGAIN! Then just being under the pressure of constantly being around my sister for a week and feeling like I have to entertain her because she can't go out in this "dangerous" third world country alone. And of course hearing my SO tell me to stop being a bitch. Ugh. I told him next time he needs to help me out more. If he can tell I'm acting pissy and annoyed with my sister, instead of calling me a bitch, take her to a freaking bar or something and get her out of my hair for a few hours! I had no break and it was so hard for me! I don't like anyone enough to see them 24 hours a day for a week straight. Not even my SO!

Anyways.

So yeah my school put up the schedule and I looked at it and it listed me as the 9th grade English teacher. I thought "that MUST be a mistake". Well I check my email and I have one from my director asking me if that's okay with me to teach English. And I guess she thought I would be okay with it, but I am not. I wrote back and told her I am not. I said the kids would NOT get quality education from me teaching English. I mean, I don't know freaking names of grammar rules! My only qualification is that I'm a teacher and I speak English. In my book, that's not enough. Especially at such a high level. She basically said that I have to teach it until they find someone new. My fear is that since they'll have me teaching English, they won't look for anyone new. I'm probably going into the school today so if I meet with her we will be discussing this. I mean I can do it while they look for someone. But that's it. I don't want to be stuck with a subject I've never even liked for a full year.

Also worried about my residency. See, when you initially turn in your papers you have 10 days to turn in anything else you're missing. Well remember when I requested those papers from my school that took 4 months to give them to me and then had my passport number wrong on them so therefore still haven't given them to me? Well the lady working at the school office is now worried that because it took so long that immigration has thrown out my file. If that's true it means I have to start all over again. Which fucking BLOWS! I mean are you fucking kidding me? I'm so mad, SO MAD. I have already put at least $500 into this residency process. If I have to start again it means I have to get my papers from the USA again which I don't even know if my mom still has my fingerprints around to send in to get my background check. And if I do have to start again you can bet your ass that I will not involve that worthless fuck-face lawyer nor my school. I will be going through by myself, as married to a Costa Rican. I will bring the school my receipts and they can pay me back (because I sure as hell am not paying for it twice!) They will also have to give me days off to go to immigration. And that's that.

*woo-sa*

Well this next part is going to be wayyyyy TMI, so go ahead and stop reading now if you please.

I went to a party on Saturday and was talking to one of my favorite couples who just got back from a RTW trip that took them about a year. The woman is ... hmm... well she's definitely a feminist. She also is very politically correct. Like she doesn't like to be called a "wife", instead she prefers "partner" because they are gender neutral. None of that bothers me, and I actually like to play with her like "yesterday my SO told me to go make him a sandwich, but we had no bread! I was so ashamed! A good woman should always keep her pantry stocked!" Anyways, we start talking and somehow start talking about sex and she mentions that her and her *partner* are not monogamous. We talk some more and she ends up calling me a "prude". Granted, I am quite shy when it comes to discussing sex. I'm way better now than before, but it's still a little hard for me (no pun intended! ) My SO jumps in on the conversation mentioning how he's trying to open me more or whatever. I leave and my SO and my friend finish their conversation.

When we got home that night he tells me how she was recommending things to try to help me with our sex life. I don't mind any of that, but what I didn't like is he made it seem like I was some closed-off person who didn't want to try anything new. I've never been to a sex store (lame, okay) but a few weeks ago we decided to go to one together and pick out something to try out. That might be baby steps, but at least I'm trying ya know! I'm trying to be open to new things and keep everything fun. (the sex store was closed when we went, so we didn't get anything) I'm shy, I'll admit it. But I'm also a little intimidated because my SO has already done EVERYTHING. And he likes to tell people how experienced he is and how I'm like his little virgin who has never done anything but worn white.

I don't know... I guess I just want him to realize I do put in an effort. I mean I've waited for him at home numerous times dressed up, leaving sexy notes, sending pictures, etc. He's never done anything like that for me. Even though I've asked him to. And while it's normal to most to wear lingerie, that is a bit outside my comfort zone. But it's okay for me to do it because I know my SO likes it and I want to do things that are new. I think the bottom line is I don't feel 100% confident in my looks or my body. I don't think anyone does. But I do think you need to be at like at least 90% to start doing new sexual things, adding toys, role playing, etc.

I've also told my SO that I want him to be more romantic. I get that he's busy, he is really very busy, but he also doesn't put in any effort to our sex life. I mean he asks me if I want to have sex. I know he does it with good intentions because my drive is so low, but seriously? Asking me isn't going to get me in the mood. When he asks I usually say "well if you convince me!" trying to say that he needs to do something romantic. Has never happened.

Our sex life is very satisfying to the both of us, but we definitely both have things to talk about and improve on. We'll talk more about it but last night was certainly not the time!

Anyways, that was a ramble. I sort of wanted to make a thread about it, but meh, a little too personal.

So this has been too long. I need to call my school to see if my director is in or if my residency have been resolved. I might go in, or I might just sit here and watch Grey's Anatomy and take freaking naps all day.