I've been going back and forth about whether I wanted to put this blog up or not for months now. But I'm thinking, why the hell not? I mean, who are you guys gonna tell?
Anyways.
A while ago I posted anon about birth control and sex drive. I'm sure most of you figured out it was me, you super sleuths you! For those who didn't read or don't remember- my sex drive is absolutely nonexistent. I don't know if it's my BC or not. I feel like I used to want sex more, but I've been on this BC for 1.5 years now and I just can't remember. I don't think I've ever had a high sex drive, but I'm pretty sure I at least used to want it every once in a while. I took a different type in the USA, a triphasic BC. I'm currently on a monophasic BC and the interwebs have told me that lots of women experience low sex drives on monophasic BC.
I also worry that it could have gone down because now I live with my SO. I asked him and he's sure we had lots more sex in the USA (when we first started living together) than we do now. Maybe I don't want it as much any more because I can get it at anytime? But if that were true, wouldn't I have a desire at some point?
It's not that I don't enjoy sex, I just never want it. And because my SO has such a high sex drive I feel really pressured into having sex. It's almost like routine- we have sex every other day. If we didn't have it yesterday, today is the day. And if we go two days with no sex I feel horrible like I'm holding out on him.
We've talked about everything I've written here. He's been good at not pressuring me as much. Last week we only had sex two times and although I was perfectly fine with that frequency, I feel like an awful wife. I don't want to be the wife that hates sex. That leads to divorce. And that thought eats in my little mind and makes me go crazy and makes me feel even more pressured to have sex without actually wanting to have sex.
Plus, I have quite a wandering mind and it's extremely hard for me to focus during sex. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I could be thinking about anything during sex. Sometimes I think about balloons, sometimes grapes, sometimes Christmas, it is so damn hard for me to stay in the moment. So I get frustrated at myself, which makes the sex not as fun as it should be. Then I feel even more pressure, and it makes me nervous and anxious. We've been working a lot on my "focusing" and I've been getting much better. But it's still something I have to keep in mind and makes sex less fun.
I still put in an effort and wear my fancy little lingerie, and have asked him to buy me more. We've been trying some new stuff and we both enjoy it.
But, I still never WANT sex. I want to want it again.
I really believe that my BC is the problem, but triphasic pills are not available here. Plus the pills I get now my SO gets for free at work which is a huge plus. My SO talked about me going off the pill to see how it affects me, but there's no way in the world I want to go off. I'm hoping things will change when we move back to the USA and I can get my original BC again.
I don't know that I'm looking for advice, but I really needed to let that out.
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And thinking about it, my sex drive went back down again when my pharmacy switched me to a different brand of generic BC with supposedly the same hormones. That could be having an effect on me that I didn't realize til just now.
We really need to invent a BC that gives us all the benefits (no babies til we want them, regular periods.. ) and none of the side effects. We'd be rich!!!
Aaanyway, like I said. It was the same for me. I felt like such a mean girlfriend, because I turned down my (then) boyfriend all the time. He wouldn't pressure me into sex, but I could feel that he wanted it and I didn't and it made me feel even worse. Although of course it didn't help that he'd sometimes be all sulky when he hadn't initiated anything in a few days and I still didn't feel like it. (Exes are exes for a reason, after all). Where am I going with this?
Right. I figured that if the option is either taking bc but never feeling like having sex, or getting off bc and having to use condoms and deal with periods but actually want sex and I thought "Man, I think I sort of remember wanting to have sex and that was so much better.", I'd at least give it a try. I was also worried about my skin getting worse, but all of that seemed minor in comparision to actually having a sex drive. Not having one at twenty one felt wrong to me.
I kept half the last package of bc, so I could get back on it, if I didn't like it without bc after all. In the end, I never did! I still have a 'delicate' sex drive and stress, not spending enough quality time with the boyfriend or being in the luteal phase still successfully kills it, but at least I don't feel like a dried out grandma anymore.
As for periods... I can't move mine anymore, but I totally feel when it's coming. I have a pretty regular period, so I even know more or less for like two months ahead. But then, I don't *like* my period or anything (who does?!) but I don't mind it that much either
Reading all these replies just make me stick more and more to my desicion to never get BC pills. I have another friend who's single and just eats them so she doesn't want to have sex. I've told her it's a waste of money since she's not even seeing anyone and hasn't dated in years but NOW she's met someone and I don't know how that's gonna go. Cause she can't drop the BC now but also doesn't wanna have sex... Damn hormones. Men have it so fucking easy.