Anyways. My SO is constantly bringing up kids with me. And not in a good way. He's always like "and that's why we can never have kids" when anything happens on TV or with my good friend who has 2 boys. Like we'll plan on going out and then something will happen so she can't go. And he'll say "see? we can never have kids." It's weird that he brings it up so much. I mean I wouldn't even be thinking about it if it weren't for him!
So here I am thinking about kids all the time (thanks to my SO) and whether I want them or not. And it just seems like every time I think of one good reason to have them, I think of a million reasons to not have them! I wish I could have a kid from the age of 4-12 and then 20+. Just skip that baby nonsense and teenager insanity. I feel like I turned out to be a pretty cool kid, and I like hanging out with my mom and drinking beer. But it takes SO LONG for that to be possible. I mean 18 years just to be able to hang out and drink beer? Ugh. And the earlier years you get to take them to fun places, and they're silly and cute still. You get to see them improve in stuff and grow up. That's nice. But before that they're basically helpless and after that they're evil.
My coworker just had a baby and she's always bringing her to school and everyone coos over her. And yeah, she's a cute baby, but man I just don't like babies like that. I don't want to be near them. I'm not good at saying how cute a baby is in real life because I just don't like them that much. They're slobbery and floppy and probably have defecated all over themselves. Yes, that's adorable. Pictures are fine. They're not near me in pictures. And it's honestly when I look at pictures I think "oh, babies aren't that bad! Look how lovable!"
And just recently I was thinking about how kids make you buy more of everything. I was thinking about this because since lyonsgirl just closed the distance, I was thinking about when my SO moved in with me. Everything ran out quicker- obviously food and such, but I remember the toilet paper the most. It amazed me how much more toilet paper I had to buy! And that reminds me of when my brother was a preteen/teenager and how much he and his gross friends ate. They ate EVERYTHING in the house.
But still. Sometimes I think it'd be nice to have a kid. I feel like I'm good with kids (not babies). I still think about adopting a kid who is 2 or 3, have even looked up stuff online just to get an idea of what it entails. I also feel like I should give my inlaws some grandchildren. I know that sounds silly, but my inlaws would love me forever if I just gave them a baby. My mom wants grandchildren, too, but my sister definitely wants kids and I think my brother does too. With my inlaws, my sister-in-law married a guy who has a vasectomy and she's had so much plastic surgery I know she'd never have a kid and ruin all that work. So all that's left is us. I don't know.
Which brings me to the pregnant dreams. I've had pregnant dreams since high school. I think all women do when they hit fertility. And my dreams used to be "oh I'm so happy to be pregnant/have a baby" And now my dreams are like "oh dear god I regret this" Not that I enjoy pregnant dreams, but I guess I'd at least like them to be happy ones. The one I had yesterday I was pregnant and I kept thinking to myself "okay, I guess I'll deal with this kid, but I wish I had never gotten pregnant" Like shit. My body doesn't want me to reproduce anymore? I'm not a big believer in dream stuff, but I've had negative pregnant dreams for about a year now. And it makes me think if I ever had kids or decided to get pregnant, that's how I'd feel! Remorseful!
Anyways, this was a random ass blog. And I need to get ready for work now.
I've never had a pregnancy dream. Or at least, not that I remember. I've had the horrifying "ohymigod I think I'm pregnant even though I haven't had sex in over a year" moments. I've since stopped watching "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". (I love/hate that show.)
I just watched "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on Netflix - LOVED it. Though, I didn't get all teary or whatever when the women were in labor or gave birth... I got stupid emotional when the one couple flew to Ethiopia and went through a whole adoption ceremony. I've known for a few years that I'd love to foster/adopt kids if we can, and that just... well, crap. That was a signal to me that we're going to have to adopt a kid. Maybe not an infant, but, we're going to be adopting. (I tend to take my physical/emotional reactions to things seriously. The goosebumps told me what song I'm walking down the aisle to.)
I kind of went deeper and we had a sort of conversation about it. I basically reassured him I DO NOT want kids right now, but I don't know how I'll feel in 3 or 5 or 10 years. We agreed babies suck, and he seemed fond of the idea of adopting an older toddler. His main worry of kids is $$$money. He said he'd be fine without ever having kids, and I reminded him how much he changed since he met me. I mean, he didn't even want a relationship, let alone marriage, before he met me. People change, a lot. I'm not dead-set against kids, so I definitely think in the future I could want them.
Anyways, so that's a sort of update. I didn't want to go too deep since we were making dinner and he seemed frustrated with the fact I was trying to have a deep conversation at that moment.