It's hard. I feel for you.

I am personally against age gap relationships. I mean if it's 5 years or whatever, nobody cares. But if it's a big big gap, like 20 years - that's a generation. And it's too much. And I say that because I dated a man 25 years older than me (from age 15 - 20) and at the very end of that I can't see any way for these kind of relationships to be equal.

I couldn't be equal to him. He simply had too much power over me. He had too much knowledge and life experience and shamefully he did use that to manipulate me. In his case I'm certain it was deliberate, but if he'd actually been a good person I'm not sure he could have avoided it happening.

The question everyone always asked me was "what does he see in you?" and I always thought they meant I was worthless, no one could love me. No. They were saying "why hasn't he been able to bond with someone in his peer group? Why does he need to choose someone so far from being his equal?" They were also saying that we should be at different points in our lives, we should want different things, and in a partnership that matters. That too was true.

I wanted the things most small town young girls think they want, love and babies, and a fun easy job that pays well. He'd already had kids, he'd had a bunch of different jobs... none of the things that were exciting to me where the same for him. And though he said he was willing to give me anything (including the babies) he was from a different era - one where men didn't actually help with kids. At the time I thought none of this mattered because LOVE, but actually it matters a whole lot. To stay with him I'd have had to give up things I was too young to know I even wanted and needed. He knew - he'd done it. But he had the power to control me.

There are a lot of people with experiences like mine or who want to protect their daughters from the things I went through (turns out there was good reason none of his peers wanted to date him!) and that's where the resistance comes from.

With that said, if somehow you are at the same place in your lives, you want the same things, it could really work. If you are of a culture where the woman is already subservient and you don't have any desire to be equal partners, then this might be for you (no sarcasm there. I know a lot of people who feel safe and happy in these styled relationships. Just because it's not for me doesn't mean it's bad)

Lastly, a good friend of mine growing up fell in love with one of our teachers in high school. I don't know his exact age, but they have at least 20 years between them, I'd bet more, and they are a fantastic couple. They have four kids together, a happy home, both have careers they enjoy. So it can work. There are genuine people out there who just were born too soon/too late to be peers.

The thing is LOVE is not all you need. If he ticks all the boxes except age, then who cares? But age can be a big red flag and you need to see that too, you know?

Like Marbear said, make sure you enhance each other, because you are already complete.

I wish you all the best of luck and happiness. Please know these are just my experiences and opinions, and that no there is nothing wrong with you. I once wondered that about myself too!

I think as long as you are past 20/have experience living on your own, age differences doesn't matter unless you let them. But I have been smitten with someone older and I really felt the age was an issue - I felt like she was trying to mother me too much and it did not feel sexy. I have also dated someone just one year younger than me and the whole time I felt like I was 20 years older than her - or perhaps just way more dominant or/and stable. And we all know that older guy dating a girl that seem wrong for him - usually not just of a different age group, but very little in common exept he is wise, she is fun company, if that is all the sum of difference may become too much. So it is not just age that matters, it is age PLUS personality.

I am now dating someone 7 years younger than me (which means he is the same age is my youngest sister, who I always was a "second mother" to). Not only is he younger than me, he doesn't have an established life like I do, I have money, he has no money etc. Not to mention we were raised in different countries. Of course there are issues. For one, I am partly supporting him financially. I think there is a need to be aware of potentional issues that comes with ANY difference. I know I sometimes mother him. But I also know that he actually LIKES that - it is part of our dynamic. It works for us and people can see we are happy. We share values and we by and large want the same things in life.

I hope that with any future children I would care enough and be let enough into that kid's life so I would know why they wanted to date that perticular person, regardless of age. And I think it is important that people (ie the youngest of them) get to finish their education before making any major decitions like having kids. But everyone too should be allowed to try out things and make mistakes. I would hope if I raised a kid, she/he could take care of themselves in any situation, even if they dated someone I did not care that much for.

I understand exactly where you're coming from. My sweetheart is 13 years older than I am, although TECHNICALLY 12 years and 357 days As I get older, the gap seems more and more insignificant but then again... he is very young at heart and even, dare I say, immature at times compared to me so I feel like it evens out. (Don't tell him that) I think as long as you are genuinely happy then it's okay. But you may also be concerned with what others think for a good reason, maybe instinctual even. Only you know the answer.