Wasn't sure where to ask this, so I'm asking here.

lyonsgirl started a blog post Wasn't sure where to ask this, so I'm asking here.
April 3, 2012, 09:04 AM
Wasn't sure where to ask this, so I'm asking here.

A friend of mine is in a CDR. (I've mentioned this friend before.) He & his SO spend a lot of time together-I get that. I would spend as much time with my SO as I could if we were CD. But he doesn't think he can do chores around the house (he has his own house) when she's hanging out with him. I understand that he doesn't want to do things like, mow the lawn, while she's over, but I don't understand why he doesn't want to do laundry/clean while she's there. I suggested she help him clean. He said, "I'm not going to make her clean my house."

Now, normally, sure. I get that. But they have talked about marriage. And they have decided that when they get married, they will move into his house. So, it will be her house too. Anyway.

For those of you who have been in CDRs (or are able visit your SO often), do you have anything against doing chores while with your SO? Or asking them to help out? (Especially if you live on your own.) I ask because when I was CD with my SO we helped each other out. I helped clean his apartment, and he helped clean mine. Am I crazy for helping him out? When we were lucky enough to live together, I helped him out with laundry once in a while, and he helped me out with mine too.
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11 comments
- #9
  
  floridaellen commented
  
  April 3, 2012, 03:55 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Originally posted by Rugger;bt17136
  
  I always help my SO clean his place. When we were CDR, I helped clean the dishes, sweep, tidy up and vacuum because I spent A LOT of time there. I contributed to the mess. When he lived with his parents, and I visited, I would help them clean up. I even helped them build a flower bed under the pool deck and mulch it while my SO was at work. Now that he lives on his own, I still clean. If I'm the kitchen cooking, or making coffee, and there are dishes in the sink, I do them, regardless of whose they are. (He has two roommates). I help him fold his clothing and I even clean the toilet (I got sick one morning and Iwas throwing up. The toilet made me want to vomit even more, so when we went out I bought things to clean it and cleaned it myself).
  
  If she is contributing to the mess, it's only proper for her to help clean it.
  
  This. I always help my SO around his (parents') house because honestly I make some of the mess too. He'll cook; I'll do the dishes. I help him tidy up his room. He helps me around my parents' house and my place in Florida too. We're totally fine with helping each other out because we spend a crazy amount of time together when we're CD so we tend to make messes in each other's houses.
  
  I also like to clean which helps.
- #10
  
  Zephii commented
  
  April 3, 2012, 05:42 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  I always helped around his (parents) house on visits, and he (reluctantly) helped around the house when he visited me. I was quite insistant about that. He's not a guest, he's my SO, and he's not going to be a lazy SO!
  
  But I can understand him not wanting to as well. I used to be very uncomfortable cleaning when people were around - even when Obi and I moved out on our own, (and I lived with a bf before then too) I hated cleaning if someone was home with me. It took a long time to get over.
- #11
  
  lyonsgirl commented
  
  April 4, 2012, 07:35 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Oh goodness, thanks for all of the replies!! To answer a few questions, it doesn't bother me that he doesn't let her clean when she's over. I just wanted to ask to see what other people thought, because he basically told me that I was rude for asking my SO to help me clean (to be fair, he did help make the messes I asked him to help clean). It's great to see that I'm not the only one who helps out.
  
  @Dauntedpoet: My SO's family is the same exact way!! They told me I was family right before I left the 2nd time I visited, and since then I have helped cook (his mom has even let me bake muffins for the family a couple times), and recently when a jar of salsa broke open I helped clean up the glass shards. I would have done it for my family, and his family is now my family.
  
  I wouldn't ever ask my SO/guest to help me do things like vacuuming or major cleaning/chores. But if the dishes need to be done and we made/ate dinner, I would probably put the dishes in the dishwasher. If they offered to help, I'll accept it. (Most of the time my SO wouldn't even offer-he just starts helping.)
  
  It's great to see so many different responses. In the end, I think it's whatever works for you&your SO and what you're comfortable with. Personally I love the "2 visits you're a guest" rule. It's like giving someone refrigerator rights. A friend can walk into your house and help themselves to the fridge, and it's not weird. Someone you have just met walks in and helps themselves, it seems a bit rude.
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Wasn't sure where to ask this, so I'm asking here.