My SO is home for the night and until tomorrow afternoon. I know it's his family and all, so I feel horrible writing this. I feel horrible for feeling this way, but it's how I get once in a while. I realize that he's away from his family too, but... I dunno, I guess because we're together I'm hurt when he's home.

I feel like whenever he is home I hardly every talk to him. I feel like when he's on his own he wants to talk to me but the second he's home he'd rather be with his family. I get it-I do. They're his family and he loves them. (which is why it makes me feel so horrible) but I'm alone here. (Alone being my mom lives in Cali, dad's in Canada for work and my sister lives in Colorado.) So I get frustrated/jealous/angry when he's home and I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me. I feel like I don't exist in his world when he's home with his family.

Like I said, I know they're his family. No, I don't want to ever pull him away from them. But is it that hard to step away for 5 minutes and call me to say goodnight? Especially because he has his first interview for a real job? (Real = something related to his Bachelor's degree in engineering)

So yea. Okay, I'm being dumb about this. I just needed to tell someone. Doesn't help that I had some beer tonight, and it was crappy beer. Crappy beer makes me depressed and miss my SO hardcore, and he's home and won't talk to me... I won't hear from him until Saturday, I bet. I know I'm one of the lucky ones because I do get to talk to him every day, so I'm sorry for bitching about not being able to talk to him while he's home with his family. I just... I can't make him feel like crap about it, because they're his family and I love them too, but... he's my SO. He's my best friend and I am so sick and tired of being long distance.

And yea, okay, he's their oldest of 4, so yea. I get it. They miss him too. "You have the rest of your lives together" yea, great. But that doesn't change the fact that I haven't really talked to him at all today, probably won't get to talk to him tomorrow, and probably not Saturday morning or afternoon, and then I have Bible Study Saturday night (the one night I actually look forward too..). So who knows if I'll be able to actually talk to him until Sunday.

I love him, I really do, but I get so frustrated when stuff like this happens. It's really dumb, I know it is. And I really shouldn't. I better go to bed... it's almost 10:30 here and I have to be up at 5 tomorrow.