Reality Check.

lyonsgirl started a blog post Reality Check.
January 14, 2013, 09:45 AM
Reality Check.

Nix and I are getting married just over 9 months from now. It's like, 9 months and like, a week and a half, or something. We're going through pre-marital counseling with the church we're getting married in (it's required, and they have this pretty nice set-up going) and honestly, it's starting to freak me out.

Don't get me wrong. I am beyond excited to be marrying my best friend, but... omg I'm getting married. OMG I'm stuck with him. I mean, no. Not stuck. I don't know what I mean. I'm excited. I'm terrified. I'm nervous.

Am I making the right decision? God. If I feel this way 9 months away from our wedding, I'm going to be a complete mess closer to the day. I feel like I don't know him. How well can you really know someone when you've spent the last year apart? Let's count the days:

Jan 2012: 6 days. I moved on the morning of the 7th.
Feb: just about 24 hours.
March: 2 day weekend for his birthday.
April: 0 days
May: 2 1/2ish days for a friend's wedding.
June: 2 days after my company's conference
July: 0 days
August: 3 days (I think... I was moving here and drove from TX to VA via IN)
September: 0 days
October: 4 days (and the proposal)
November: 4 1/2 days
December: 0 days

So, based on that estimate, in 2012 we spent a total of about 25 days together. 25 of 366 days. That's less than 7% of the year. Is it reasonable that I'm starting to get anxious about this? Is it reasonable that I'm feeling anxiety? I mean... 25 days isn't even a full month. It's barely over 3 weeks together. Sure, we talk on a regular basis and Skype, but... I'm still feeling anxious about this.

I don't like it. I want to be happy and confident and... okay. I don't feel like I am. I haven't told Nix this yet because we haven't had the chance to talk since I started feeling like this, and now I think I have bronchitis so talking hurts, which really puts a damper on conversations. Plus all I want to do is sleep.... (I went to bed at 7:30pm last night. Which would be great, except I still only got 10 hours of sleep because work is dumb).

Maybe I just really need to talk to Nix about this.

I'm glad I can vent here.
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4 comments
- #2
  
  floridaellen commented
  
  January 14, 2013, 08:53 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  I've obviously never been married, nor am I engaged, but I think what you're going through is pretty normal. You understand that marriage is a big commitment and that your life is going to change. Any life change can cause some "oh my goodness what am I doing - am I doing the right thing?!" even if it's positive.
  
  I definitely think you should talk this over with him but I just wanted to say that I can see where you're coming from. I'm not a big help though because I've never been in the situation!
- #3
  
  Tooki commented
  
  January 15, 2013, 03:59 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  It's very normal to be going crazy, because of this major (and symbolic) event. I was no better when I flew home after meeting my GF for the first time.
  
  Talk it over with the Mr, as Ellen suggested. TALK TALK TALK
- #4
  
  lyonsgirl commented
  
  January 15, 2013, 07:48 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Thanks you two... it definitely helps me when I remember that I'm not completely crazy... A little crazy I can handle, but not completely.
  
  Maybe it's a combo of the sickness and the more pregnancy announcements on fb and my friends who are getting married talking about having a baby within a year of their wedding date... I'm completely not ready to have kids yet. Not at all. The idea of me being a mom next year freaks me out. (Yet another thing to discuss with Nix....) We're going to try & Skype tonight, so hopefully we can talk through some things.
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Reality Check.