I talked to Nix about it. He said he's told his friends. I said I have no RL friends. So, instead, I'm telling you guys. I have to talk about it with someone that's not directly involved, and that doesn't know him.

So, here goes. This might be a bit long, because it needs some back story (but I may lose my patience in typing, so please ask questions if I leave any holes).

Nix's younger brother, J, dropped out of school after 3 semesters because he wanted to transfer to a different school to study music. He wants (as far as I know, still wants) to teach music, I think he'd really like to be a college music/band director. Good for him, I say. The school he was attending (my alma mater) doesn't have a music school where he can get a degree. So he dropped out and started working, picked up a part time job at Starbucks and another at Cracker Barrel (restaurant for those of you who don't know). He started dating this girl, she's 19 and has a 3 yr old daughter. Things were kind of... iffy... with them. He still lives at home, and Nix walked in on them once when they were under a blanket. He was pretty sure they weren't clothed, but he just shut the door and walked away. (It's his room too!) Anyway. They live seriously like, 2 miles apart, and she was insisting that he call her and they leave their phones on all night so she could hear him breathing, among a few other crazy things.

Well, he told his family in about March that he broke it off with her - but never changed his fb picture (it's him with her daughter) or relationship status and I said to Nix, "I don't think he actually broke up with her." She isn't a Christian - which, if you've noticed, is a big deal for his family. So she started going to church with him about 6 weeks ago. (I still don't think they ever actually broke up, but, not my place.) This is where things get a little interesting...

He quit the Cracker Barrel job and is now working as a night shift packer for FedEx, along with the Starbucks deal. He's going to go to welding school in the fall (to my knowledge) as well as starting part-time school studying music. That's 40 hours at work, plus 20-40 hours at school... and, oh yea, this is the "interesting" part. She has convinced J to get married in August.

Yup. They say "we've prayed about it and we think it's a good idea". Apparently her going to church for 6 weeks with him, and they apparently talk about the sermons afterwards and everything, makes her a bonafide Christian (just because you attend church doesn't mean you believe, and just because you believe doesn't mean you have to attend church, IMO). Anyway.

She (R) admitted to Z (Mom) that she sees J as a way out of her parents house. Because she hates living there. Okay, so here's the kicker (and a new development) her parents have said they can live in their basement if they get married. *headdesk*

I'm concerned that with everything she's done up until now with the controlling side (he hardly sees his family because he's always with her, which, I get that he wants to spend time with her, but you LIVE AT HOME, and your family never sees you... that bothers me) that she'll demand that he drop out of music school so they can spend more time together. I mean, if they get married, he'll be busy with school and work PLUS the added stress of being a newlywed, AND living with his inlaws? I just don't see this going well. Oh yea. Her parents have partial custody of her kid, there's that, too. So I imagine if they get married she'll try and gain full custody... I also imagine that, based on her track record, she's one of those girls that sees babies as a way to get a guy to stay in the relationship. So they'll get married and she'll be pregnant by the time Nix & I tie the knot.

He is NOT ready to be a father. At all. He's 21, and doesn't know really what he wants to do with his life. He just wrecked his car this past weekend into another car (he ran a red light) WITH R in the car (luckily her daughter wasn't in the car too). The kicker to this story? He just bought this car like, 2 months ago. And was supposed to add it to his parents' insurance policy the previous week. Yup. Driving without insurance, got into a wreck, completely his fault. Luckily no one was injured, but still... Add that to the student loans he had for the time he was in school - and they're not small - because he was eating out every day and apparently increased them (without telling his parents, even though his parents were helping him out with them) a few times. So from what I can tell his 3 semesters of loans are what they would have been for 5 or 6 semesters...

It kills me because I have this gut feeling that he's going to go through with it, the marriage. Nix said to me the other day, "I don't wanna..." and I said, "You don't wanna what?" "If he gets married, I'll have to be involved..." "Oh. If they don't invite me, I'll be angry/annoyed." "Would you even come?" "I don't know. Probably not... I'm torn." I thought about it for a bit, and then said to him, "Actually, I would go. For you. Not to support their marriage because I think he's throwing his life away, and if they want to get married, fine, wait a year until he has his welding certificate, then do it. But I know this will be hard on you, so I'll go for you." He was silent for a moment, and then said rather quietly, "Thank you." Breaks my heart.

Oh yea. There's this little tid-bit too. His parents (obviously) don't approve of this plan. They've told him so. SHE has said to HIS PARENTS, "we know that not everyone will support our decisions but we appreciate your advice". *headdesk* His dad... is... a little.... extreme at times. This is one of those times. While I don't agree with how his dad is handling this, I understand why he is. Basically it boils down to this: if J gets married, they will put his stuff on the curb that day and he won't be welcome in the house as a family member for at least a year. They're a fairly conservative Christian family... and he (C, Dad) told me that if he has to, he'll (and I'm paraphrasing here, because it was a super long text) basically tell J that he's not "honoring thy father and mother" and that he does not have their blessing for this marriage and so that's his reasoning for kicking him out. All I could say in response to that was "Ouch..."

And here's the BEST PART about ALL of this. I mentioned that they seriously live like, 2 miles apart, right? I think so. Well, C mentioned the stress of him working and school and being a newlywed to J. J replied.... "Dad, I think that the stress would be a whole lot worse if we had to live 2 minutes apart during the short times I'm not working or in school." (That was a direct quote from C's text.)








I can't even.... (that part happened yesterday, which is why I was so frustrated and annoyed and I KNOW my heart rate was elevated because I was so angry.)

Anyway. Following that, C texted (copying word for word now), "My reply tonight (when R's not there): Lyonsgirl and Nix haven't been able to live in the same city for the past 18 months, so I don't want to hear bitching about a 2 mile distance. Yes, it has been stressful for them, but I have to say that the communication skills it has caused them to learn have set them up for success in ways you don't even understand. So if you need to be separated by 2 miles when you're asleep at night, suck it up, buttercup." (This just makes me so happy to hear this from my FFIL.) A few more texts were exchanged, and then he said this (another happy moment for my heart), "Can I just say: I love you and Nix, and thank you for being responsible, Christian adults."

It hurts me so much to watch this happen, especially because I have absolutely no influence at all. I'm about to become his big sister, and I know that he won't listen to anything I have to say. All I want to ask him is 1) do you really want to be a welder for the rest of your life, because if you marry her now, I have a sinking feeling you'll end up dropping out of school and 2) even though we're not blood, or legally related yet, I've thought of him as my little brother for the last 2 years, and I don't want to see him get hurt. I care about him.

So those are the basics of the insanity that has been going on with Nix's family. I really needed to get that out... this has been brewing for the last two weeks or so and it's just gotten... well, you can see how it's gotten. I want to talk about this, so, feel free to ask questions. This has been bubbling for too long and I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone besides C & Nix, and they are both fully aware of the situation and so talking with them about it is just no fun and doesn't relieve anything.