I broke off the friendship. I did. I did it for me, I did it for my sanity because I couldn't take it any more. There were some days when I felt like he was just using me as a release for all this anger he has stored up.
So whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do I want to talk to him?
I think it's because he's someone to talk to. Not because he's.. who he is, but because he's a person. Which, honestly, sort of makes sense I guess?
I need human interaction. When I'm at work, sure, I talk to people. But it's more often me being annoyed and/or angry or frustrated at something. And it's not like I ever talk personal talk at work. Or if I do it's very limited and usually only during girls lunch, which really is not a big deal.
I guess once Nix & I are living together it will be better... right? Since I'd get to go home and be with him (unless he's working, I know) and talk (or not) or play video games or just stare at each other. Or, ignore each other and do our own things. But we'd be together. Or at least, this is what I keep telling myself. (I know it won't be all rainbows and unicorns, I know. But hey, we'd get to fight in person, and that's a plus right?
)I don't know what the point of this blog is. I don't know if I have an actual reason to talk to him. I sent him the letter at the beginning of this month, and he replied to it. I mean sure, I wonder how he's doing and how his own wedding planning is coming and how their premarital counseling is going. I want to tell him that I'm honestly not way stressed out about the wedding planning. Whatever happens with that happens. It's the move and the job hunt (that I've put on pause for a while, btw.) and the family drama with Nix's family and... oh yea. I got this text from my mom last night. Papa (Mom's dad) doesn't really know where he is any more. Her sister wanted to come visit but plane tickets were something absurd (like, 5k absurd) and Mom doesn't even think Papa would recognize her...
I don't know. I don't know what benefit I would get from talking to him. Nothing, probably. Which should be my answer on if I should talk to him or not... but for some reason it's not good enough or something for me. Urgh. Just ranting, I suppose. I'm sure I'll hear that talking to him is a bad idea, which I get, I really do. I partly think talking to him isn't the best idea either, so. I'm torn. Sort of. Blergh.
