I can't even pretend I'll start with any specific noodle type... I'm just gonna have at it. Apologies in advance.
This weekend was great. Ish. Friday I got home from work and felt horrible. So I went and napped. We planned to go out to the ocean to see the Christmas lights with some friends, so I told Nix to wake me up about 30 mins before we had to leave. Which he did. Or rather, tried to do, but I was still feeling so crappy I tried to kick him and throw him off of me. I was a huge cranky pants. And then, of course, I felt horrible and dragged my sorry ass out of bed and got dressed. Then, of course, I went downstairs and found he made dinner. Which then, for some stupid reason, made me start crying and I felt even worse. And I couldn't eat, of course, so he put my dinner in the fridge so I could eat it when we got back if I felt up to it. So we still went. Even though I felt pretty shitty. I'm glad we did, though, because even if I didn't have a blast, he certainly did. He went all nerdy and talked with this one guy for what seemed like forever about all the nerdy things. So that was good. Then we went to Denny's afterward, thank goodness, because I was really hungry by then.
Saturday was okay. I got up early and started the cookie baking mania. He woke up not too long after me and helped out, such a sweetheart. We saw The Hobbit (it was amazing) in the afternoon, and then he had to go to work. I have no idea what time he ended up getting home, his shift was supposed to end at midnight, but I still felt kind of crummy, so I went to bed around 10:30. He woke up before I did, though, because he had an early morning shift.
So I got up around 8:30 on Sunday, and started another round of cookies. And then made butternut squash soup. (And it turned out delicious). He was supposed to be done with his shift around 11, which meant he'd be home around 11:30ish. So, soup was ready to go at like, 11:20. 11:40 hits, and he's still not home. Noon... still no sign of him. What the heck, Nix, where are you? So I texted him. "You coming home? Soup's ready..." 5 mins later I got a text, "omw". Sigh. Anyway, he got home and the soup was very tasty. We watched Cinderella together because he hadn't seen it in years. And then took a nap, because it was necessary. I woke up before he did so I could run to the store and buy GF flour (since his grandpa has Celiac's, and he wants to send him gingersnaps... but of course, expects me to make them... (grumpy face)) and milk, and tortilla chips and.. and... and... Sigh. I mean, really husband? Really? And then of course, when I'm ready to go I ask, "Do you want to come with me?" *head shake* "Okay. Bye. I'll be back."
Anyway. So I went to the store. I had to pick up my pills anyway, so, going wasn't a big deal. But he was all whining because getting my pills would take "forrrrrrever". Sweetheart, I've already refilled the prescription, I just need to go pick the stupid things up. "Oh." Damn right, "oh." We went to church last night, which was good. I really like our little church. Anyway, afterward we got home and I worked on the card for the cookie exchange so I can mail it today. Then we went and watched Bones (yay Bones) and then all of a sudden it was 11pm. Dangit, bedtime. So, I manged to get up to bed around 11:30. He said, "Do you mind if I stay up a little and play?" (Assassin's Creed IV.) "No, that's fine." "Thanks, love you." "Love you too." I go to bed. Woke up in the middle of the night, and he wasn't there. I looked at the clock. 3 AM. THREE O CLOCK IN THE FREAKING MORNING, and he was still playing that damn game. I have no idea what time he finally got into bed. I asked him this morning how late he was up. *shrug* Well, sorry I don't feel bad I'm making a little more noise and letting a little more light in than normal. Little jerk. Yes, I know, I said it was fine. But I thought "a little while" meant like, "I'll be in bed in the next hour or two", not THREE OR FOUR.
So that pretty much sums up our weekend. Love him, but I'm getting frustrated with him. I realize it's something I need to talk about with him, but it's not a huge thing yet and it was pretty much a one time thing. Honestly, had I not woken up in the middle of the night (which is becoming a pattern I'm not a fan of), I wouldn't be annoyed over this. I'll mention it to him if it happens again. No point in arguing about it now.
So this is a completely different noodle: I've been thinking a lot about babies lately. So many babies. I see them everywhere. I can't stand how cute they are, and I keep thinking about our future kids. I want babies. I want to have a kid. But then I really think about it and I nope nope nope all over that. Especially because I have to have a rather unpleasant conversation with my boss tomorrow.
Nix & I have been talking. I will have an offer letter in my inbox on Wednesday from this company I've been talking with that's in Indiana. My problem is that the reason I want to leave is because I'm tired of moving around. Not because I don't like what I'm doing or because I don't like the company. I love the company, I loved what I was doing in the office. I enjoy what I'm doing now, if only I didn't work so many damn hours. And so there's my struggle.
Which means I need to talk to my boss and tell her that companies have been contacting me and now that Nix & I are married, we've started talking about a 5 year plan, and kids are in that plan. And at least one thing has to happen before we can even start thinking about having kids, and that's we need to know we won't be moving every two years (or less). I don't want the company to direct when we can/can't have kids. Because, I do not want to be pregnant and moving to a different state. I do not want to be pregnant and on a job site. No thank you. I know it's been done, but nope. Not for me. So if the company can tell me that once this project is done, I'm moving back to an office, then I'll tell the companies that have contacted me that I'm not interested. If they can't do that, though, then... I'm going to be pursuing other options. Plus, Nix can't get a real, career type job with this much moving around. The stuff he wants to be doing requires stability, and you know. Not moving. I'm a little nervous about this conversation, but it has to happen. I'll start it off with that he & I talked about our lunch last week (she took me out to lunch to talk about how I think things are going, how I feel about the project, etc etc), and one thing led to another and I'm looking at what's best for us now. It's no longer "I can move where ever, whenever", because now it's not just me. Now it's us.
So beyond that... I think things are okay. We're still not doing it as much as I'd like, but, there's always an excuse. And, sometimes it's because I just pass out before anything "exciting" can happen. I have told him (more than once) that I would like it if he'd initiate it once in a while. He's said, "I have tried!" I hate that it's almost business-like. We don't plan it out, but we've had conversations like the following:
"We haven't had sex in a week."
"Hmm. You're right."
"We should change that. How about tomorrow?"
"We'll have to do it earlier, because I have to go into work at 6."
I hate that we've had that conversation. I hate it. Have I told him this? No, of course not, because I'm a stupid girl and I expect him to just "know" how I'm feeling. I can only be angry at myself for that one. And I am, but I'm working on it. I have the sexy lingerie, and it's on me for all of like, 2 minutes, if that. What's the point of me buying it, Nix, if you're not even going to stare? Sigh.
Other than that, though, once we get going... yup, it's good. He's still got to learn a few things when it comes to his.. uh... "handiwork", but, that takes time. I did, however, tell him that I was disappointed that we basically skipped completely over the whole "let's grope at each other like we're teenagers" thing. And I'd like that. The problem is we start that and I just can't stand it anymore and we end up doing it. Which, okay, fine, really can't complain about that. But I guess I feel like we've missed out on something, you know? Maybe we'll have to go find a drive-in that has a double feature and just make out and fool around for one of the movies. That would be okay with me.
Oh! And we're going to host a LotR marathon day in January for our new friends here. I'm kind of excited about that, it's forcing us to finish cleaning up our apartment. And I'm going to make lots of food, and ask people to bring some of their favorites, because, come on, what's the point of watching 12 hours of movies without LOADS of tasty noms? Plus, we'll be eating all Hobbit-like (which means something like seven meals throughout the course of the day) and probably feel completely gross after, I'm sure, but hey. That's part of the "experience", right?
Video games: we need to have a talk about them. I'm okay with him playing, but. Bleh.
Job: me too.
Sex: I don't know if I want it (or expect it) to be spontaneous and beautiful every time, but I feel like it's more planned than isn't. Which just makes me sad. But, hopefully this will work itself out, I'm hoping 2014 is less mayhem than this end of year nonsense has been.
LotR: yes. we've done it before. You have to start at like, 8 or 9am, and caffeinate it up, all day long.
For the sex thing, I find that stress and busyness are huge barriers. Even though Jay and I work similar schedules (I can imagine it's a lot more difficult for you guys), we still find it difficult to find times that work well for the both of us, which oftentimes means that the sex isn't quite as good as it is when we are both completely "in" to it. Doesn't mean it's bad in any way, but some sex is that beautiful, spontaneous type lb referred to, some of it's planned and beautiful, some of it's spontaneous and not so beautiful, some planned and not so beautiful.
In the end, whenever we make the time, it is good for our relationship (and that doesn't mean it happens every day! We also have those conversations some times, "Wait, when was the last time we had sex? That long ago? Let's do something about that, but not now, I'm too tired...". And in some ways, it makes us appreciate those times we really "connect" with each other that much more special. And really, we're doing well if that happens twice a month. The rest of the times have their own advantages, and we've learned to appreciate them just as much. Here's to a better 2014!
Talk to him.