1) I'm so very nervous about moving next year. I have backup plans coming out of backup plans for every possible scenario, but I'm still nervous. I've been at my current job for two years, and I've been working at my library for the last 6 years, it's just so familiar to me. I've done other jobs of course, and I just got a new job on weekends now to help fund this move so it's not like I'm a stranger to new workplaces, but it's going to be so weird job hunting. I've never been unemployed in my life bar 3 months when I was 19. Even though I'm very skilled in my type of work I'm so worried I won't be able to find a job. Though, I'd clean toilets if I had to, and work doesn't seem hard to come by in Edmonton at all - but ahhh! The nerves! Going to apply like crazy for every job I see advertised even before I move so they recognise my name. I have a skype interview thing (more like an introduction really I think) for a job opening next year but it's really unlikely I'll be offered it. At least they know I exist though!
2) My guy is in a band, as I've mentioned a few times. They're metal and pretty unknown if you're not into that sort of music but in the metal world they are quite popular. So, he goes on tours. One is probably going to happen a month or two after I move there so I'll have to be alone in a relatively strange city for a few weeks at a time, which I have always known will happen, but eeeep. I BETTER have a job by that point, one with friends!!
3) I'm also terrified that for some reason, they won't give me my residency visa/work permit when I land in Canada for some reason - which is silly because I've never heard of anyone getting turned away after they've been approved for the visa, but ahhh! Imagine leaving my job and life and then be told I can't stay there! I'm going to be so shaky. Deep breaths now. Your worries are irrational.
4) And as for the relationship - we get along so so well, and we did in person too, but we've never actually had fight or anything like that (which is weird since he's got such a temper). So a fight is bound to happen sooner or later when I'm there about something (he is soooo clean and tidy and I'm pretty forgetful so I imagine it'll be because I left something out of place or was too messy or something) and I'm probably going to think it's the end of the world. Arghhh. When I lived with my ex, it was truly awful and I hated every moment of it but he was a total dickhead and the opposite of my guy now. I never wanted to live with my ex and I KNEW it was going to be bad but we just forced into it. This time I feel totally ready and feel it will work, but ohh man I don't know what I will do if it's unbearable. Whenever my ex and I had a fight, he would bully me into admitting he was right - he'd not let me walk away to calm down either so I got so insanely angry - and I'd finally break down crying and wailing and saying sorry when I KNEW I was in the right. I just needed to shut him up because he was so exhausting. Then he would just leave me and go out drinking and hitting on girls and making sure I knew about it by texting me pictures of him hanging with random girls and stuff. It was so horrible and I have no idea why I stayed with him so long. I cannot imagine my guy now doing anything like that (he's very dignified and reasonable) but I guess past fears are rearing their ugly heads again you know?
Sooo I'm usually always calm and zen-like but the last few days I've had anxieties chewing away at me. I think it's good to think about worst-case scenarios but the whole reason I've kept this relationship "on hold" is because of the fear of something going terribly wrong like last time. But now I'm supposed to be giving it a go, I've already applied for the visa and should get my Letter of Introduction in the next couple weeks, and I'm starting to find excuses why it's 'too hard' again. And I ask my guy if he is worried about anything and he says 'I'm worried we'll have to buy a bigger wardrobe'.
Yay!!!
You'll be fine, you're savvy. Even is it does go to shit in a handbasket, I know you'll make the best of it.