Last year I spent the end of July and all August in Edmonton, Canada with my ex. It was a fantastic visit and I was very happy but after he turned into a monster to me I haven't reminisced about it even slightly. It was only since August 1st, our anniversary date, that I began to have all these dreams about him. Dreams where we're sitting and just talking and updating each other on how our lives are going. And they are such lovely dreams because even if he was a kinda shitty boyfriend, he was the best friend I've ever had and I do miss the friendship between us. We could talk about damn anything and everything. So in these dreams I keep having, I'm telling him about my boyfriend Tom (who I am very happy with), about my studies, about my life in general. He tells me about his girlfriend, his new job, his new house etc. And he gives me weird dream advice and we laugh and tease each other like old times. And then I wake up feeling happy and then it crashes because I remember we're NOT on speaking terms and the memories of how horribly he treated me come rushing back and I get upset.
And then I dream it all over again a few nights later. It's like I have a friend that I confide in that doesn't really exist... or at least, he doesn't exist in my life any more and my brain is just constructing what it thinks he'd say if we were really talking. And it just makes me feel weird and a little crazy. Often it happens when I'm staying with Tom and I wake up all upset and have to tell some lie about having a nightmare because what else can I say? "I was just dreaming about communing with my ex who is more or less dead to me in real life" ... Tom knows a LOT about my ex from his reputation alone and does not ever like him being mentioned. And to be honest, I avoid talking about him as well, because it still hurts a little. This guy was the big bad ex. The one that really got to me. And he still does, I'm unhappy to admit.
So that's my weird thing. Thank goodness Tom is so bloody awesome. I'm not in love with him yet, but I can feel myself opening up to him more and more and he makes me smile every day and I just truly love being in his company so it's bound to happen sometime. We live 5 minutes walk from each other so yay for regular sex! and oh how good is the sex!! I thought my ex was a good lover... I was wrong, lol.
On other fronts, in July I quit my job after 6 years (!!) and returned back to uni to study full-time. I've been doing my degree part time for so long that I thought I may as well get it over and done with. Pretty crazy busy lately but I'm getting into the swing of things. I also did a belly dance performance in July and I've got another one coming up next weekend! I made my costume myself as nobody makes belly dance bras for H cup boobies, sigh, curse my ample bosom. I'm very shy of posting a picture but you guys are special so here, you can have one. Please excuse the puku (Maori word for chubby belly!) but actually, I like my puku so I'm keeping it ;D
Hope you guys have a lovely weekend
And Lucybelle, I so agree!
I think you look great!