Well, my ex and I talked some more, after him having spent some time talking to his mother...and we decided just to break it off. No sense in prolonging the pain of a breakup, and pretending we're together when we're really not.... We still want to be friends, but right now Joe needs to focus on his studies and also on sorting his emotions out. I dealt him a big blow with this whole thing, so I understand why he's not feeling his emotional best at the moment.

We're also going to stop talking for a while...take a break from each other. To give us time to heal, and recover, and hopefully move on. Facebook, blogs, and email are still acceptable forms of communication, but no more daily chatting, and definitely no more Skype calls.

I'm okay with this, as I know that breaking up was the right thing to do, and we'll definitely need the time to fix ourselves up after this mess, but.... I am so scared of all this empty time I have now.

For about a year and a half now, Joe has been, if not the entire focus of my days, at least an important part of them. Since a little before we started dating, we were totally inseparable. If I needed something, Joe was the one I turned to.

I have an excellent support system, and I'm sure I will manage, but I'm still terrified of all the time I'll have to myself when I'm not working and my friends are all busy at work or school.... Before, I would've talked to Joe during that time, but now.... Now I have to find new ways to keep myself busy.

And I have people to turn to, but they're not him. It's not the same.

It's going to be a long road to recovery.