Well...since I'm a bit peeved and not feeling like typing all that up again, I guess it works out because I only really have the cliff notes version in me now. XD Lucky you guys.
I quit my job because they randomly put me on a new shift and cut my hours, when they knew I needed the money I was already making before, and it wasn't because I was a bad employee--it was because they hired back someone who used to work there and she wanted my shift so she got it. I didn't quit right away, of course, it was just recently that I quit. The business is going under anyway so it was better for me just to get out of my own free will instead of crashing and burning with the owner.
I also got my license on Monday. It was actually a big deal for me. I got my permit when I was 14, took driver's ed when I was 15, and then that was that. I thought I was a terrible driver (I'm not fantastic, but I'm honestly not THAT bad), and I didn't like driving, so I just never did it. Never saw the point in getting a license just for necessity because I wouldn't be able to drive anywhere anyway, since we only have 2 cars and my parents need them both. The only reason I actually wanted to get my license in the first place now was that my permit was going to expire again on my 21st birthday and I knew that if I didn't get my license now, I probably never would. I knew I'll need to be able to drive to do a lot of things I want to do with my life, so I sucked it up and worked on it.
We were all kind of surprised I passed on my first try, but I did. Obviously there were things I need to work on, but most of it was stuff that comes with practice--finesse stuff. There were one or two things that were a bit of a bigger deal, but nothing too serious, obviously, or I wouldn't have passed. I was so excited. And since the only other sibling with a license is serving a mission currently (he's 19), my parents are grateful that I can take over his job of errand-runner. Lots of good practice, eh?
This next bit is related to relationships and God, so if religion isn't your thing, feel free to stop reading now if you're so inclined.
Ahh, cliff notes, let's see if I can manage that with this subject. XD Mmkay.
I got some money for my birthday and one of the things I purchased was a book by John Bytheway (a great motivational speaker) entitled What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single: How to do life as a young adult. There was lots of good stuff in there, but there was one thing in particular that struck me when I read it last night that I kind of wanted to share.
It was in the section discussing WHO to marry. It was all general advice stuff, like making sure the person is someone you admire, respect, like as well as love (are friends with), and who inspires in you the desire to become better than you already are. Good, solid advice that applies across the board for any healthy relationship.
This particular piece of advice was concerning spiritual guidance in making the decision. Obviously it's important for us to seek after the Lord's counsel in making life decisions, and marriage would be no exception. But I guess there is a misconception on how exactly that's supposed to work in relation to this subject. I was definitely thinking about things the wrong way, too.
There were lots of good quotes, but I guess I'm not going to go digging for them right now. Basically, a lot of people have the idea that God has chosen each of us a spouse and we need to ask God if the person we plan to marry is the right one. Maybe the thought is not in so concrete a form, but I know I've had a vague notion similar to that. Something like, even if this guy is great and we get along well and we are crazy about each other and stuff, if he's not who the Lord had in mind for me to marry, then...it would be wrong to marry him. So I'd better find out if it's right for me to want to marry him.
The key concept here, though, is that free agency is ESSENTIAL in our lives. We are here on earth so we can CHOOSE what to do with ourselves. We can CHOOSE what to believe, or whom to follow, and all the many different paths life contains. If we are predestined to marry one person, then where is our CHOICE? (As a bit of a tangent, I hold the belief that anyone can fall in love with anyone, in the right circumstances and with the proper motivation. We're more compatible with some than with others, and some people won't have the desire to work things through with us, but we CAN do it, if we have a mind to. I guess that fits with being able to choose a spouse--you COULD make it work with anyone, really, if you really really wanted to)
So the ideal thing to do, then, would be to date, figure out what you want in a spouse, find someone that has the qualities you're looking for and who you love etc and would love to spend the rest of eternity with. If they feel the same way, great. You decide you want to marry that person, and you go forward with it--and you seek the Lord's approval of your decision. And, I guess, in a lot of cases, not just in this area of life but in others, no answer is still an answer of sorts. Sometimes you have a few different paths you could take, and you can't seem to receive guidance on which way to go, so you commit to one. And then if it's wrong, the Lord will let you know. If not, then you just...keep going. I don't remember if it was John Bytheway or someone he quoted who said that basically, sometimes the way we end up doing the Lord's will is by eliminating the things He DOESN'T want us to do, rather than knowing exactly what He DOES want.
I don't mean to get too heavily into all that stuff...basically, it is very important who you choose to marry, but it's still a choice and the Lord will never make it for you. And you have to commit to a decision, oftentimes, before you'll find out if it's a good one or not.
Why that struck me is that this has been something I've worried a lot about in the past 8ish months or so. To reiterate my relationship deal here, the guy I love is great and fantastic and honestly I couldn't imagine there's anyone I'd be better suited for (could be wrong, of course, but that's not the point), and he's my best friend, but he's 5 years younger than me and right now that's a big gap. Oh, he's mature enough, and we're on a level with one another in many ways, but the age gap does matter. Firstly, he's pretty uninterested in romantic relationships, period. Nothing against them, just not for him. Could be a lifelong thing for him, could just be the age (still figuring things out). Secondly, he's still a minor and it would just be...weird...for everyone, really, if we were to date or something.
So, he's not actively opposed to relationships, and he's implied that if relationships are ever anything he's interested in, I'd be his first choice, but there's just a lot of time between now and the soonest we'd be able to even SEE if a serious relationship would work. I don't mind waiting (well, I MIND, but it's worth it so I'm okay with it), but so much could change, so much could go wrong, and I haven't even been sure if he is who the Lord wanted me to marry. So I've been praying about it, trying to figure out if I'm wrong to feel the way I do, and I just...haven't felt anything one way or the other. I've been terrified of my own desires getting in the way of what the Lord is telling me, on top of that, so this whole issue has just made me anxious. If the Lord doesn't want me to marry this guy, then I should just get over him, right?
But that's where my mindset was wrong. I haven't made a final decision yet. I haven't walked very far down the path I initially chose, so I could still go back if I wanted to. God is not going to tell me what to decide--so if I decide to pursue this, if I decide to plan my life around Michael, and it turns out not to be the best idea, I can still have a clear conscience because I'm doing the best I can and honestly striving to make the right decision.
In conclusion, I can let go of all that anxiety and just...love Michael. I'd say I've felt this way long enough, and we've been friends long enough and gone through enough together, to know that I CAN look at things objectively without too much trouble. And looking at things objectively, if I am blessed enough for our relationship to turn in that direction, I think that it would be a good thing. I think we would be able to make it work, and be happy together. It's so freeing to realize I can apply the whole free agency thing to my relationships too. One of those things I already knew, but didn't KNOW.
All right...end of my long ramble. XD
Secondly, I'm really glad that this post was able to help someone else, too. I felt so free when I finally made this connection in my head, with the help of the authors of the book and the quotes, and I didn't know if anyone else would ever see this or care, but I felt so compelled to post about this amazing discovery I'd made. I guess the Lord knows what He's doing. =D
While it is definitely something of a relief to know that we do have quite a lot of freedom, I know it can also be stressful, making the choice when no one is telling us what exactly to choose. At least it always has been for me. I used to spend a good hour, at least, agonizing over which book I'd purchase at the bookstore if I only had enough money for one at the time.
So I wish you the best of luck, as well! =)