I'm pretty upset with my mom. I don't even know what went wrong, but things between us have just been really awful for the past few months. I'm a bit biased here, and could be wrong, but I feel like most of it is her, though. Like for whatever reason, she just went crazy and unreasonable as a default. I can't talk to her about anything, she accuses me of being horrible all the time to everyone (when I'm not; I get along with everyone else just fine, and better than I used to), I'm always doing something wrong....
Just now, she was filling out an application for free/reduced lunch for my siblings for the school year, and needed my income information to put on there, and sadly that meant that the thought of my money was brought into her head. Which started a whole discussion on how I'm living here "scot-free" and I need to submit a budget to my mom and dad to review if I want to keep not paying rent, and if they don't approve it I have to pay rent again. THAT, at least, is an argument we've had many a time, although submitting a budget for approval is a new idea.
But what was different was that suddenly she's saying that I'm supposed to be paying rent because I'm an adult. For no other reason than that. The whole reason I started paying rent in the first place was that I was 18, wanted to go to Dragon*Con, and my parents wouldn't let me. I told them they couldn't stop me, and they said "Fine, if you don't want to recognize our parental authority or be part of this family, you'll be paying rent as if this was any other apartment."
Various things have changed in the 3 years since then, but one thing's always been pretty much the same--I pay rent because I want freedom to basically do whatever I want.
But now? Now, I have 2 chores I do regularly (which we agreed upon just recently as replacing the money part of rent), when my mom or dad asks me to do something I do it (unless for whatever reason I'm unable), I interact with my family, I try really hard not to question my mom's authority like I used to do all the time (it's stuff like the rent issue that I lose my temper over), I buy 99% of my own food, and I grab stuff when I get off work if my family needs anything (without asking for them to pay me back).... I am NOT freeloading here. But if I'm not spending my money the exact way my mom wants me to, all of a sudden I'll have to do all these things AND pay rent? ONLY because I'm an adult and it's "irresponsible" for me not to be paying rent?
And I told her, one of the reasons I'm living here is so that I can save my money for other things. Because I don't want to have to pay rent. I'm sacrificing the freedom of living on my own so that I can have more money for other things. If I'm not going to be able to save money, then I might as well just move out, because this is the crappiest deal I'll find (I actually have roommates already if I ever move out). Paying rent AND being at my mom's beck and call. Nuh-uh. No way.
And I get that with some people, none of this would be a big deal. Compared to some, this is probably a fantastic arrangement. But since for years there have been certain things my parents and I have agreed upon, for her to suddenly change it on me is really upsetting.
Honestly, I think she does just want to get rid of me. I mean, the smallest little thing I do wrong and she'll start to rant and rave about how maybe if I'm gonna be such a horrible person and fight with her and cause so many problems, I should just leave because she doesn't want my horrible influence on her kids and in her house. I don't even have to do ANYthing wrong; if she decides to THINK it's wrong, it is, and she'll go off on it. She'll be the only person in the house who sees it that way, but oh well, I'm a terrible person.
And just...ugh. Like...I don't even know what to do. I'm supposed to be working on going on a mission; I have had so much health crap pop up since I made that decision (which means a lot of new bills and expenses) and I am dealing with a lot of stress and trials right now and the last thing I need is to have to start paying rent because I can't afford it right now, and she KNOWS this.
And I miss her. I miss being able to talk to her about anything and everything. I miss her being more levelheaded and understanding in general. I miss when she actually counted me as one of her children and not just a random person living in her house.
It's like the only time she's my mom anymore is when the health issues are relevant, because old habits die hard and she's been actively involved in my health for years. She can't just stop now. But I don't even think she pays attention to half the things I say anymore, so even now, the most help she really is in that area is just giving advice or suggestions on who to contact and stuff.
I never wanted to lose my mom this early in life, but that's what's happening. And I have no idea why, or how to stop it.
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My mom (upset rant thing)
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I think I did briefly mention that I was paying rent for a couple of years after I turned 18. I understand your position on the fact that I should be paying rent, although personally I think it's between the parents and their child. I mean, if my mom ends up taking my grandmother in, not because she's a senior citizen but because she lives in CA and is having money troubles due to not being qualified for many jobs, should she make my grandmother pay rent? Some people might say yes, because it's a strain on my mom financially to support another person, and others might say no, because it's her mom and she's family.
Our arrangements rent-wise have been accompanied with lots and lots of discussion; my mom's letting me not pay rent for a reason.
Anyway, last year at the very end of February I moved out of the house, to another state, actually. I was actually close enough to visit a couple times a month but far enough away that there was plenty of space. I was living with a friend and another roommate, and everything was pretty fantastic. Registered for college out there, had a job after a month of searching (though I had enough money to pay my rent since I'd saved up before I moved out). Even had a potential boyfriend.
Then our lease ran out and we wanted to renew but the landlady was having none of it so we had to quickly find a house. We found one outside of town, which was okay, but only temporary because the town we lived in has a lot of tourist stuff going on over the summer and the cottage had been rented in advance for the entire summer. We ended up moving across the river into Iowa and it was crowded, and I slept in the attic. My prospective boyfriend stopped being interested and the small group of people my age kind of shunned me, my job was going to end soon (it was seasonal), and it was really hard to work things out so I talked to my parents and moved back in.
So yeah, I can handle living on my own. I've done it. I can do it again right now if I ABSOLUTELY have to.
What I've been saving for is going on a 1.5 year mission for my church. I'd actually have all my paperwork turned in by now and probably would have a date of departure set already if it were not for the health issues that have recently cropped up. So that's why I'm not paying rent currently and why I'm trying to avoid moving out. If I move out, I'll never be able to go. And it's not like a vacation to go on the mission; it's 1.5 years of dedicating my entire existence to serving the Lord. No boyfriends, no tv, no internet (except emailing family), no reading anything except scriptures and approved spiritual texts, and every day going out and talking to people, serving them, etc. So this is actually a big sacrifice on my part. I'm not saving for like...a new car....or a new phone...or a better computer...or a nose job...or whatever....
And since jobs are scarce, I'm doing the best I can monetarily, but unfortunately doctor's bills are expensive and my health insurance only covers parts of it so all this stuff I'm doing right now is hitting my pocketbook really hard. Like, the entirety of my paycheck goes to doctor's bills, tithing, and food/personal needs.
Anyway. So that's what's going on with me.