As much as I'm trying to give him faith and support, I don't care for not knowing where things stand between us. I know he's had a lot of hurt in his life. A lot of people have abandoned him in his time of need. I would never do that, but I'm afraid anything further than a friendship may not be possible for us if he continues to run away from me every time things get difficult. I can be there as a friend, like I promised him, but anything more hurts too much, and I getting him to open up again once he's gone off is the most...well it hurts, as you can imagine.

As I writing this, I may be proven a fool in a few days because this usually follows a pattern of behavior. After we had a little spat last week, I feel like nothing got resolved for me, and he just pulled back and told me everything was okay. I know I should just believe him, but it wears me out. I've got my passport being processed and now I'm not sure what for. He's so good at communicating with me. This last few weeks it's been really limited. Where I was getting a good 6 hours of on and off messages, now I'm down to (if I'm lucky) 45 minutes of excited, yet non-committal texts. I was in denial before, but I am no longer about his lack of communication.

This low point is just part of the emotional turmoil and I'm getting to a place now where my friends are questioning my judgment. The close ones have always been supportive. But, without his reassurances, I'm starting to question it myself. I'm honestly really bummed out. I'll try over the next week to pull him out again and see how things go. I really do miss him. I'm just afraid he doesn't miss me.