I'm nibbling my nails. I still haven't sucked it up to message the SO. I don't know what to say. I feel like I want to let this lie for one more day. I don't want to be fake and all "hey, sweetheart, how're you doing?" Because I don't feel like calling him 'sweetheart' right now because I'm ticked. I'm ticked because he's not really engaged in speaking with me, I'm ticked because he's not engaged with this trip as much as I would like. I feel like every time I bring up the train I'm getting a "not right now" or a massive list of reasons why he can't be bothered. So I haven't bothered. But at some point, one of us is going to have to bother.

So right now I'm going to figure out the things that are bothering me and what I'd like to talk about. He's been sick the last week or so, temperature, everything. I know this is part of what's going on. Stuck living with family who get on his nerves for good reason. He's busy with school. Like overly busy. When he's caught up with one class, he's getting ahead in another. He's a nerd. On the side, he's been designing websites, programming stuff (I know nothing about all this), and all kinds of geek things. For his down time he plays video games. Right now he's so smashed busy that he has had almost no time for me.

I'm feeling selfish. I feel like he needs to give me some attention. When we've talked over the last week I can tell by the length of time it takes for him to start responding (yay Whatsapp for letting you be a mini stalker) that he's doing something else when he's messaging me. He's not talking to someone else, he's "seeing" the messages, but he's taking a minute or two to even begin responding. The responses I've been getting are half hearted, like his mind is engaged elsewhere and so he sounds distracted. He thinks he's been pretty chatty lately. I feel like he's only giving me half of the time of day.

We're going to go another day without speaking and frankly, today, I don't want to be the one to reach out first. I won't let tomorrow go by without speaking, however. I think I've earned a day to pout, but I don't want to be a little kid about it either. I tried to talk about this the other day, but he was still sick, didn't tell me he was playing video games, but I suspect he was, and he was giving me nothing to work with. He's just said that he's not frustrated with me, but that he's frustrated in general. He misses my face, but not taking the time to speak with me. Grrrrrrrrrr. I'm letting this get to me. I see him popping out of the app. He was in this morning and then just a short while ago. And nothing.

*sigh* I just miss him. Wish he weren't sick. Wish he weren't ticked at his family. Wish he had more spare time, but I understand that what he's doing might be the solution to closing the distance if that's in our cards. I'm going to give this one more day to go by. That's my deadline to figure out how I want to approach this and figure out how to turn my "ticked" into something productive. I guess I'm just fighting myself and my tendency to eggshell. He hates that. This is something I need to work on long term.