One Week After: A Bitter Pill

merlinkitty started a blog post One Week After: A Bitter Pill
March 24, 2015, 08:01 PM
One Week After: A Bitter Pill

A week and a day have now gone by. I sent him a "final contact" email last week to tell him that I felt his fear of being manipulated hurt our relationship several times over the last couple years, that I thought had he been willing to talk about the issues we'd been able to resolve them, that I might contact him again to tell him about the conclusion of the airline ticket, and that I'd be here if he chose to reach out to me.

Having not received the response I'd hoped for from the airline, I cancelled it this morning. I'm now struggling with what to say, or if I should say anything at all about the ticket. I'm feeling a little bitter this evening and angry. I'm angry about the money I wasted and the misplaced trust I had in him. I don't know if I should say anything to him about any of this. Any thoughts here (or any of this for that matter) I would appreciate. I have something short and bitter drafted at the moment.

In light of this, and after much thought prior to canceling the ticket, I've realized the mountain I'd expect him to climb in order to reconcile with me. I'm frankly not sure he's capable of this. He hasn't blocked me on Whatsapp, he hasn't removed me from his Hangouts. I'm not sure what I want to do for myself.

I do realize that the anger and bitterness I feel is because of my own actions. While I chose to open up to him, it was my own actions that placed me in the position I'm in now, meaning forking out the money he screwed me for. I must accept my own role in not holding myself to a certain standard and enabling someone to take advantage of me in this way. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
Tags: None
7 - 9

9 comments
- #7
  
  SouthernGirl_BigWorld commented
  
  March 25, 2015, 02:35 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Merlinkitty, I'm totally in the same place as you with work right now. It super sucks! I just posted an anxious blog today when I should be working (you may see that, but it's long!). I think it's absolutely horrible that he put you in a position to buy this ticket and then eat the money for it. Any man with common decency would at least visit you and try to make the best of it. I don't understand what he's thinking. Clearly only about himself. I agree with the other posters above, he is unfortunately immature and still has growing up to do. We decide what we let into our lives and determine our value accordingly. I have to decide that I won't hold out hope for a man who doesn't pursue me or is unwilling to return my romantic feelings; you have to decide that you won't stay emotionally involved with a guy who doesn't "man up" and follow through on promises he HAS made. I don't know how we get here. I know that we are all strong women and "love" just makes us do things we would never imagine ourselves doing. We are victim to it controlling us. We don't see straight. I think it will be good for you that your guy didn't come to visit. It would have only made this harder. Because he's someone you need to move on from (for now), and now you can begin that process more quickly... hang in there, lady.
- #8
  
  merlinkitty commented
  
  March 25, 2015, 08:38 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  My guy is truly the embodiment of all that is negative about selfishness. I realize he has no concept of the value of money. Even his own. I remember having a conversation with him about �700 he had that he wanted to just blow on stuff. I told him to save it cause I knew I couldn't afford to bail him out, even though I did several times, for much more money than I'd like to admit.
  
  I'm feeling much better at the moment than when I posted this yesterday. I'm understanding that I am better off without him. And that's something, I think. I still hate to think I'd turn him away if he contacted me, but I still think that's best for me. I think I'm going to learn some much needed lessons in this. LFAD has taught me much about functional relationships and what to watch out for, as well. The people here have been amazing, especially with all my whining over the last week or so lol and for that, I'm grateful
- #9
  
  xjustxinxtimex commented
  
  March 27, 2015, 01:43 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Ah, sorry I am a little late here. It's good to see that you are moving forward and taking steps. I know it is so hard to let go when you are looking for any small thread of hope to hang on to but, I agree with everyone else. I think, from what it sounds like, this time you are better off not talking to the guy. I definitely understand where you are coming from when you talk about the things you can overlook sometimes when you care about something though. I've been there before after a past relationship have ended. I honestly wish you luck and I hope you will keep letting yourself move forward. I am glad to see you are talking about things and listening to advice a that stuff. Anyways, take care!
Previous template Next

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Announcement

One Week After: A Bitter Pill