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I think you should probably communicate this with her. Tell her you'd like her to put in more effort, even if it's planning for a trip that's months away. Make sure to tell her you really enjoy visiting her, but you'd also like it if she came to you more often.
Sometimes to make something better in the long run, the person you love is going to get hurt in the short term. Honesty isn't the nicest tool sometimes but it's effective. Tell her you love her and don't want to hurt her BUT you are not feeling like a priority. Explain how you feel. Not "You make me feel" but "I feel" (There's less blame in the words that way, you see.)
But I can relate, you're not the only one. I've always been the flexible one in my relationship, I work around him. And a lot of the time I have to accept that this is so because I need this relationship more than he does. Not that he loves me less or anything, I know that's not the case, but all the relationshipy stuff I need to thrive, where he doesn't notice the lack as fast. It tends to be my job to keep it interesting and it's always me that says "we should take time to just be together, I feel we're not connecting as well". It's just my job, it's what I'm good at. And I think that's ok as long as he contributes equally in some other way (for example, by supporting us financially, or helping me with my study or career, or putting time in to help my family) and that there are still occasional thoughtful surprises. (Like he wrote me a story the other day, just out of the blue.)
So I don't know. Maybe it's something you can change, or maybe she just needs to contribute equally to the relationship on a different platform, perhaps in a field you're not as good at. Things don't need to be equal to be fair. That's the difference between equality and equity.
So I don't know. Maybe it's something you can change, or maybe she just needs to contribute equally to the relationship on a different platform, perhaps in a field you're not as good at. Things don't need to be equal to be fair. That's the difference between equality and equity.
Also, I love your hair!
Thanks for your reply, it's pretty much what I needed to hear.
I do have to talk to her about it but I don't like it. I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt her or fuck things up. She never seems to have concerns about our relationship (not sure if that's a good or bad thing lol) and I feel as though I always do. Its not that much but my insecurities mess with me. But I know I shouldn't feel this way; It's ok that other people come first sometimes but this is all the time. Just a show of "effort" you know? It doesn't have to be big and extravagant just a little something. When it does happen I get so surprised. lol I'm gonna have to bring it up at some point for sure.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and reply. It means a lot. And thanks for the nice comment about my hair! hehe
But I can relate, you're not the only one. I've always been the flexible one in my relationship, I work around him. And a lot of the time I have to accept that this is so because I need this relationship more than he does. Not that he loves me less or anything, I know that's not the case, but all the relationshipy stuff I need to thrive, where he doesn't notice the lack as fast. It tends to be my job to keep it interesting and it's always me that says "we should take time to just be together, I feel we're not connecting as well". It's just my job, it's what I'm good at. And I think that's ok as long as he contributes equally in some other way (for example, by supporting us financially, or helping me with my study or career, or putting time in to help my family) and that there are still occasional thoughtful surprises. (Like he wrote me a story the other day, just out of the blue.)
So I don't know. Maybe it's something you can change, or maybe she just needs to contribute equally to the relationship on a different platform, perhaps in a field you're not as good at. Things don't need to be equal to be fair. That's the difference between equality and equity.
Also, I love your hair!
I do have to talk to her about it but I don't like it. I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt her or fuck things up. She never seems to have concerns about our relationship (not sure if that's a good or bad thing lol) and I feel as though I always do. Its not that much but my insecurities mess with me. But I know I shouldn't feel this way; It's ok that other people come first sometimes but this is all the time. Just a show of "effort" you know? It doesn't have to be big and extravagant just a little something. When it does happen I get so surprised. lol I'm gonna have to bring it up at some point for sure.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and reply. It means a lot. And thanks for the nice comment about my hair! hehe