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You are very right, ThePiedPiper, and you have really opened my eyes. Thank you!
I knew someone in here would help and give me a kick in the butt that I needed. lol You know, I talked to her again today and I basically I let my low self esteem get the best of me. I thought she wanted to get away from me. But that's not true. Far from it. She wants to do this for herself and wants to share it WITH me. And wants me to support her and be excited with her. That is completely reasonable.
We've been really spoiled for a couple years because her classes have all been online and she's home most the time. I do work full time and we've been lucky that we do get to spend a lot of time "together"...we chat when I'm at work. But come fall she will be AT school and will have to get a job so I got scared when she added that she's wanted to try roller derby on top of that. I reacted negatively and jumped to conclusion. And I admitted my mistake to her. And she now understands why I freaked out but she reassured me that the LAST thing she wants is to get away from me. In fact she wants to do this to better our relationship. She needs this, to get out and be happy so that WE are happier in the end.
And you are right, the derby is non-comittal and she hasnt even signed up yet...so I shouldn't be freaking out over that. School and work is way different. I would never hold that against her because she is doing it for OUR future. I just have to get the stupid idea, that she wants to get away, out of my head.
We also figured out what we need from the other, which oddly enough, after 3 years we hadn't quite figured out yet. I need support from her in the form of words, I need to hear it. That she loves me and wants to be with me. She needs to see action. I need to SHOW her those things. Supporting her, pushing her to do the things she loves without making her feel bad for them. Simple enough eh? WEird how we are still learning things about each other, after this whole time.
It really isn't about the visits, yes I would like to have her come up more but it's not as easy for her as it is for me to travel. I just used that as an excuse to feed my low self esteem...we both promised to make an effort at being the support the other one needs in order to better our relationship. I really have to stop thinking everyone is just going to abandon me...
Sometimes the trials in our relationships show us how much work we need to put into moving the painful past. From this point, you can only look forward.
Ooh boy I've been in your shoes before. My ex would say the same thing,"I can't promise anything." It literally drove me nuts because I like to plan ahead and it always seemed like everything else came before me. All I can tell you is to communicate a lot with her. Sounds like she needs to learn how to communicate with you as well. If she's not putting forth any effort, then it'll get worse. Tell her exactly how you feel. If its meant to be it will, and if not, its for the best. Goodluck!
I knew someone in here would help and give me a kick in the butt that I needed. lol You know, I talked to her again today and I basically I let my low self esteem get the best of me. I thought she wanted to get away from me. But that's not true. Far from it. She wants to do this for herself and wants to share it WITH me. And wants me to support her and be excited with her. That is completely reasonable.
We've been really spoiled for a couple years because her classes have all been online and she's home most the time. I do work full time and we've been lucky that we do get to spend a lot of time "together"...we chat when I'm at work. But come fall she will be AT school and will have to get a job so I got scared when she added that she's wanted to try roller derby on top of that. I reacted negatively and jumped to conclusion. And I admitted my mistake to her. And she now understands why I freaked out but she reassured me that the LAST thing she wants is to get away from me. In fact she wants to do this to better our relationship. She needs this, to get out and be happy so that WE are happier in the end.
And you are right, the derby is non-comittal and she hasnt even signed up yet...so I shouldn't be freaking out over that. School and work is way different. I would never hold that against her because she is doing it for OUR future. I just have to get the stupid idea, that she wants to get away, out of my head.
We also figured out what we need from the other, which oddly enough, after 3 years we hadn't quite figured out yet. I need support from her in the form of words, I need to hear it. That she loves me and wants to be with me. She needs to see action. I need to SHOW her those things. Supporting her, pushing her to do the things she loves without making her feel bad for them. Simple enough eh? WEird how we are still learning things about each other, after this whole time.
It really isn't about the visits, yes I would like to have her come up more but it's not as easy for her as it is for me to travel. I just used that as an excuse to feed my low self esteem...we both promised to make an effort at being the support the other one needs in order to better our relationship. I really have to stop thinking everyone is just going to abandon me...