Right now I'm good but I am also at work so that can change any second. lol I love my job but with this place, it's all or nothing. Crazy busy or DEAD. Busy I can deal with. I love it; days fly by and it boosts my confidence cause I'm like Damn I did good! Dead...not so much. I cannot sit at my desk for 8 hours and not do anything. It's when my brain starts working overtime and I think WAY too much. And it really triggers my insecurites and anxieties. It drains me completely. I've had 3 days (so far) this week that have been like that. To the point that I feel like balling when walking to the bus stop after work. Something I can maybe bring up with the councillor on Monday...
My SO and I we're different yesterday...in a good way! The vibe felt positive and not so forced. With my issues and her school stress, we haven't been US. Not flirty and not all that lovey. Which is understandable. Sex has been the last thing on our mind lately. I have to get a grip on my shit before I can be able to give myself complete. If I don't love me, how can I let someone love me? Anyway, last night felt slightly different, like a tiny weight was lifted off our shoulders. I brought a subject on which led to some "testing of waters". I teased her and flirted. And she REALLY liked it. Lately it had felt very forced for both of us but it didn't last night. It felt natural...it went on for a little while but it didn't lead to anything, which is fine cause it doesn't have to and I wasn't ready for that just yet. And I don't think she is either. I told her it felt like when we first started flirting with each other back in the day and she would tease me like that. It was exciting and just FUN. She thought so too!
Meanwhile, we acutally have a trip planned! I'm going to drive down to see her in TWO WEEKS. I can't fucking wait. I need to just be with her and not think or care about anything else in the world. I can't freaking wait. It great to have something to look forward to. I needed it.
I'm going to the cottage after work and for the weekend. I need to get away and relax. And possibly get drunk. lol Staying at home alone and doing nothing is a bad idea for me. Especially with my appointment coming on Monday. Best idea is to get away and nothing overthink it. By the way, I've decided not to tell my family quite yet. I'm not ready to hear their opinions and judgement and I want to see how it goes first.
Anywho, it's all I got for now! Thank you all who are listening and replying. It really means a lot!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Also, I think it's a good idea not to tell them yet, keeps the pressure off a bit.
It's great to hear you smiling ^^
I'm so sorry I haven't replied to your message yet, I swear to God I will as soon as my own visa craziness dies down a bit. I'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself first, because you're right--you can only give your best if you are your best.