Now, for those interested, today was my second therapy session. And what an eye opener it was. We talked about my "family background"...mostly my relationship with my father or lack there of. Without going in too much details my parents divorced when I was four and I never really had a father daughter relationship with my dad. And we kind of determined that my low self esteem and anxiety could potentially stem from attachment/abandonment issues as well as healing and grieving that I didn't get to do as a kid. He said the distance between my SO and I could be bringing stuff up surrounding the distance between my father and I. Talk about a major eye opener. It makes total sense and pretty much explains why I'm always afraid or I think that my girlfriend is going to leave me or how I'm always afraid of disappointing people and then pushing them away. This was just a small part of what we talked about but it was a big deal for me. I talked to my girlfriend about it and it was a big deal for her also to finally understand where it stems from.
I'm really glad this is going well and that I'm comfortable with him. It does take a load off my shoulders and it feels really good to talk to someone who can actually help. And as scary as it is to know the truth of it all and to grieve/deal, the results are and will be so worth it. I just know it. I want to go back to being ME and I truly believe this is the right track to get there.
More to follow I'm sure!
Thanks for listening.
Meanwhile, I'm going to see my girl on Friday and I can't freakin' wait!!
