Lately my SO and I have been growing, in a good way, and all because we've been talking less. Go figure!

Up until recently Allie and I were pretty much in constant contact. Chatting all day long, texting and skyping at night. At that time I thought I was really lucky to be able to get that much time with her. But now I see, very clearly, that this was very unhealthy. We became very needy and dependant of each other, to the point where when the other one was busy it would be incredibly hard. We'd be upset and or worry about each other too much and sometimes even be quite jealous. (for me anyway) We had this unhealthy attachment to each other. And seeing as I already had unrelated attachement issues, it really hasn't been helping in anyway. All this made our time together very unpleasant...

The first big adjustment was in the fall, when she got a job and school started back up full time. Oh god that was tough. We went to talking all the time to sometimes 6+ hours not talking at all cause she was at work. And then school work and classes. It was really really hard at first but I think I'm getting the hang of it and trying to keep busy.

The second adjustment was at my work. (If you've read my posts and my blogs, you know my boss is a huge bitch and enjoys picking on me) I'm no longer able/allowed to chat while at work. So on the few days we could chat, we no longer can. We now email but, the response time is much longer and it's less small talk. I'm not complaining though cause it's something. Just a little tough at first. We're making that work too.

Third adjustment. My SO hasn't been feeling 100% lately. She's tired all the time and doesn't really know why. Yes work and school is busy but we think it's a bit more than that. She's going to see her Dr next week. But it has pretty much messed up our skyping to the point where I would not even look forward to it anymore. We would get on and she'd pretty much pass out right away. I'd have to fight her to at least try to stay awake and I felt like she wasn't making any effort. So I would get upset, we say good night and that pretty much made me wake up grumpy every morning. We sat down and talked about this because I couldn't do it anymore. Skype went from being my fav part of the day to being kinda not. We decided that, to be fair to both of us, we'd have to change things. First of all it's not fair for me to ask her to stay up later if she's tired and it's not fair for me to go to bed early. So if she's tired, she should rest and we'd skype at other times when it was best for BOTH of us. Whether it be earlier or the next night or in a couple nights. So far so good...

All these changes make us communicate less but when we do communicate and spend time together it's been way more pleasant and good! We enjoy our time together and we acutally have stuff to talk about. Now it's just a matter of keeping it up, talking through it and working hard. We didn't like what we had become so we made the step in the right direction for growth and change!