I've attempted to blog about this twice now but my anxiety has been so severe about the whole thing that I have not been able to finish so I would just delete my blog posts. I’m going to try to put my thoughts in to words but I’m not sure how it’s going to be. I’m still feeling pretty anxious about the whole thing, even though it’s probably incredibly silly.
So, on Monday evening, after my workout at the gym, I get home to my SO telling me she needs to talk to me and that she wants to do it on skype. That is never a good sign and it immediately sends me in to a downward spiral right away. I kept texting her asking what’s going on and that I’m freaking out. She tells me I need to stay calm…which makes shit even worse for people with anxiety.
So we get on skype, that this point I’m physically ill and shaking. She tells me my family contacted her and that they are planning a surprise bridal party for me next weekend and that she is incredibly hurt and upset that they did not include her. She feels unwanted and unwelcomed. Understandable. BUT knowing my family they did not mean to be hurtful or not include her. So we fought her over 2 and a half hours on skype about it. She felt that I wasn’t being supportive and I felt that she didn’t trust my words when I said my family would never do anything to hurt her on purpose. My sister would’ve never contacted her if she was trying to be malicious. I explained to my SO that tradition in my family is that the family of the bride organizes a party for her… Yes we are two brides but my family doesn’t quite grasp that lesbian concept like hers does lol and they really don’t get the LDR thing. They are not trying to be hurtful! So she felt that I wasn’t being supportive because I was “defending” them. Of course I want her there, more than anything but this is not in my control. I cannot tell them to not have the party now that’s it’s all organized…apparently. She told me if her family planned something like that she would tell them they should’ve included me. But I would never ask her to do that. Would I wish I could’ve been there? Yes. But we are in an LDR…and that’s an issue. Yes it sucks that she is here the weekend before and they could’ve done it that weekend…but god knows how long they’ve had this planned.
The fight got better when I told her if my family actually did hurt her on purpose I would 100% give them shit, but I truly do not believe they are even realising what they are doing. And she needs to trust my word on that. So the convo went to how she doesn’t know my family like I knows hers. But she hasn’t come up here as much as I have gone to the US. My family does love her, they would never hurt her. They are always talking about her and telling me how she can’t wait for her to move here. So when we ended talking, things seemed better but yesterday she was still kind of dealing with it. I guess I understand.
Now my worries are that things will be weird when she comes up this weekend. Or that my sister will try to talk to her about it again and Allie will tell her off. Or that things are ok this weekend and that when the party happens Allie and I have another fight because she wanted to be here and she’s not feeling included or that I’m not being supportive. Again. I honestly wish she had never told me about the stupid party. I think the whole thing is stupid. I told people I didn’t want gifts and shit. My anxiety is so bad about the whole thing I even mentioned disappearing that weekend…I won’t. But I want to.
I’m sure she and I will talk about it again this weekend. We have to. I need to know we are going to be strong for each other. This stupid ass loooooooooong distance relationship is really really taking its toll on both of us. We are over it. I’m over it.
Anyway, I think that about covers it…I think. I may add more. Lol My head is still pretty out of it.
EDIT: My sister messaged my SO and appologized. I guess she realised what she had done on her own because I didn't talk to her about it. I feel a bit better.
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Mims27 started a blog post My Monday Night...My Monday Night...
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I do hate that people still stick with traditional ideas of what "needs" to happen during a wedding. The older I get, the more I like the idea of walking down to the magistrates office, doing the deed, and moving on with life. After watching what went down with my brother's (failed) marriage, sometimes I think all the pomp and circumstance is overrated and missing the point. It's really about the two of you, what you want, and confirming your dedication to each other in life.
But I do understand that family and friends think they're doing the best thing for you by giving you the things you specifically ask not to give. This is the reason I totally flaked out when a friend of mine want to throw me a huge birthday party. It was more her way of saying she cared for me and I guess that's what you both can take from all this stuff going on. You've got people that care about you! Every time something comes up like this, just try to remember it's their way of supporting you both in your new life together, albeit a little clumsy at times...without the blasted LDR issue!!
it's super hard being in LDR and it's super hard when there are two brides lol
I get she's hurt though, sometimes it's hard to feel included in in-law stuff. I'll tell you a random story because that's how I roll.
Obi's grandma hosts a gingerbread house decorating party at her house every year for her four grandkids. The second Christmas I was in Canada they'd all known me for ages. They said I was family, etc etc. But then the party was planned. Obi asked if I could have a house too, but the answer was consistently no. I was welcome to come and watch - but I wasn't to take part.
It's stupid, but I was so upset about that for ages. It was like they said one thing (that I'm family) but meant another (that really I was just the girlfriend)
Anyway, so I feel for her. But I still think it's wrong she should be angry with you about it. It's not your fault, or something you can control.
I hope the party ends up being fun, and doesn't cause any extra drama. If you have the resources, maybe you could send her flowers to arrive that day with the message "wish you were here." ?
Take cares xx