Ok, so things have been really bad for me lately. Worse than I've ever felt in my entire life. I'm sure it's depression though it's never been diagnosed. It's scaring the shit out of me. My mind has never been so down or so worn out. I feel so hopeless. It's so hard to even put in to words. I don't even know WHY I'm feeling like this and that frustrates me so much that I can't figure it out. I have an awesome family and an amazing wife. Why am I so sad? Does it stem from my adandonement issues? Am I just sick? This is way beyond anxiety now. I just want to know why and I want to feel better and be happy again. This isn't me. Nor do I want it to be. It's becoming harder just to do normal everyday things...even the things I love doing. I just don't get it.
I have an amazing wife and she truly loves me. She's been nothing but supportive through all of this. But I can't imagine this being easy on her either. She tells me daily that she's not going anywhere and that she's there for me. Last night she stayed on the phone with me while I balled my eyes out and tried to explain my feelings. It felt great to have her be there for me when I needed her. She didn't even hesitate. But I can't help but worry she's getting annoyed with it all...even if I have ZERO reasons to think that. I love her so much.
I'm going back to see the therapist on Friday. I can't wait. I would really like it to become something more permanent. Maybe weekly or bi-weekly? I see him through a program which is offered at work. Technically it's 8 free sessions...I've used up 5 last time. But if he feels I need more, he can recommened that I get more and work will approve it. Also, I read online that if he feels that my case is beyond his area of expertise, he can refer me to a different specialist. I just hope that if that's the case, it is at least covered by my insurance. I don't want to not go just because it's too expensive. Eventhough I know money shouldn't be something that stops me for getting help. Right?
More to follow, I'm sure...
Thanks for listening.
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Thank you so much for your nice message. A lot of people here and a couple friends (and my SO) have reached out and checked up on me and that's a nice feeling.
I think the ladies above me have all given great advice. I just want to add that we are all here for you!