The Coldest Winter ever....

mocha started a blog post The Coldest Winter ever....
December 27, 2013, 10:48 PM
The Coldest Winter ever....

im not sure what my problem is or how long I can go on feeling like this...

I love my b/f and im so glad we got back together.

I think between me moving across the country, being celibate for 8 months and an LDR relationship......

im just soo incredibly lonely and so frustrated with not having any physical contact.

today was the worst atvwork hearing about all the wonderful boyfriend and girlfriend stories. I was so happy for my coworkers but it was really hard to listen to. One of my coworkers stopped talking halfway into his story. I think he remembers me being in an LDR and probably felt bad with the puppy dog look on my face.

And its not like I don't know how to occupy my time because I do. I don't rely on him to complete me or fill all my time but I really need him right now. And I dont know how to tell him without coming off needy or completely pathetic or just saying the wrong thing altogether. (when I rant it rarely tends to make sense)

im trying not to get all worked up and start crying.

man this LDR business is tough.

it is so incredibly hard being so far away and even harder when you've never met.

I feel like the only way I can get through this is to convince myself not to be too emotionally invested.

to stop caring. ..

to stop wanting...

to just be okay with whatever this is at the moment.

I don't know what to do. sometimes im so happy and other times it isn't good enough the next day.

i haven't shared this because I don't want to scare him away...

how do you tell your boyfriend how incredibly lonely you are? wouldn't it be too much of a burden for him to always have to consider this?

I wish we could close the distance....

I fear most of my idle thoughts this winter will be me wishing and hoping and praying every day is easier than the next....God how I love this man.

*sigh*

sometimes I watch the LDR first time meet ups when I cant stop thinking about how much I want to meet him...so pathetic I know.
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4 comments
- #2
  
  mocha commented
  
  December 28, 2013, 11:33 AM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  thank you so much. I told him and he said hopefully he doesn't have anything to do with me being lonely.
  
  I told him he didn't. I cried afterwards because I lied to him.
  
  I will lurk around and talk on the forums. hope it helps. ty for the advice. ;-)
- #3
  
  Heavenly_Love12 commented
  
  December 28, 2013, 01:44 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely! I feel the same way sometimes, nights are the most difficult for me. I would tell him the truth though, that you are lonely because you're apart and missing the things that CD couples can do all the time. Communication is important and nothing can progress if you don't tell him the total truth. I am sure he will understand and has felt the same himself. There are also things that you can do to make the distance feel less and keep you going.
  
  I agree with dglynn, come here when you feel lonely! We all know what you're going through Even if you don't post or reply, sometimes just reading other's thoughts help. You're never alone and I'll pray for the Lord to keep you strong and guide you through this time.
  
  p.s. winter is hard on everyone, once spring comes things always seem better and easier!
- #4
  
  mocha commented
  
  December 28, 2013, 02:40 PM
  
  Editing a comment
  
  Thank you so much Heavenly. I'm already using dglynn's advice and I dont feel as alone in how im feeling. I wish I could see him soon...I thought I was going to be able to but my job is possibly cutting everyone from full time to part time.
  
  I had it all figured out and everything seemed bearable but not knowing how soon and having to put off the closing the distance topic is making me weak.
  
  I appreciate your prayer. I could really use the strength overall right now.
  
  So many kind and helpful people in this forum. Thank you to everyone! ;-)
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The Coldest Winter ever....