I realize this relationship is an excellent opportunity to learn more about myself and digging deeper when I have a problem to deal with.

I really love sitting on my porch, closing my eyes and enjoy how beautiful it is outside. The fresh air and cool breeze is very relaxing. As I did this today I decided to confront a few fears....

I asked myself if I was afraid of anything at all between us...

what is so unsettling about my love and dedication to this relationship that causes me to not stand strong during this phase?

.....do I have an unhealthy view of love and relationships?

am I setting realistic expectations? if so, when did I begin to "suffer" and why haven't I reevaluated my approach?

I realized that I am afraid.

Im afraid he will become so bored with me that it won't be enough. That somehow he'll notice how dull I am and break up with me. That he'll lose interest before he meets me. I suppose I may always feel this way until we meet but im going to make this into a challenge. Im creative, witty AND interesting damnit lol so this should no longer be a concern. I have a remedy or plan of action for this so im going to put that together tomorrow. ;-)

I'm also afraid of what he'll think of me if he sees me. I'm done considering this a possibility. I've traveled a very long road towards self-love and embracing my uniqueness. I still have a ways to go but I'm not going to let any man determine my worth or value. If he doesn't like me he's an idiot.

There is another realization I had and I was very surprised. I've been comparing. Expecting him to be and treat me like someone else. On top of that I was starting to lose my trust in us. And i was losing myself getting caught up in how much i care for him. If I don't allow all the virtues of real love to guide how I approach our relationship. ...we will be doomed.

There is a book that I would like to pick up and read again. As a teenager when it came out it wasnt of use to me but I do remember key parts of it still. It's called The 5 love languages or something like that. I think its a very interesting point of view. Not everyone loves the same or responds to love the same because we speak love and receive love differently than our SO.

Book Club anyone? :-p

Well I made it to the end of the day....

Not sad...

No more tears from this morning...

I even listened to a sweet little voicemail message he left me that I never bothered listening to until now (we were playing phone tag). My heart swelled and my inner goddess jammed like a cheerleader high off red bulls on homecoming night lol. I love my man. He doesn't love like I do but he loves just as hard but in different ways.

Today was rough but I made it through to the end...proud of myself.