All Raine cares about anymore is work. Everything is somehow work-related, I'm so goddamned sick of being there all day, then coming home and hearing about it some more, then hearing about it on weekends, then him working all through visits. He's visiting my office next month for a week, and because there's someone else from his office coming too, I'm not even going to see him outside of work. He'll be 20 miles away in a hotel, probably drinking with the other Finnish guy visiting, I'll be spending nights alone, and won't even get so much as a hug . 100% manager, 0% boyfriend.
It's not his fault the other guy is coming, and there was nothing he could do to change it, but this is just a little more than I can take. I'm a very strong, very stoic woman, too strong and too stoic, in fact. I can handle pretty much anything and just move on, but the last year has been hard and it's wearing on me. My last visit to him pretty much sucked, I had a severely pinched nerve near my neck and was in agony most of the time. Sleeping was almost impossible, and snuggling hurt horribly. Then, on top of that, I ended up sick, too. All I wanted was to see him again, be able to sleep next to him, just have some time where I wasn't miserable. I was really excited about his being here, even though it was a work trip. We had a couple of weekend days to ourselves, and he was going to spend the nights at my house. Now, I won't see him at all.
How am I supposed to go on acting normally, sitting across from him all day, working together, and then go home by myself? At least he has his idiot co-worker to hang out with. It's going to be so lonely and painful, but there's nothing I can do about it, except to try pretending everything is fine. I am so fucking sick of this work shit, and I'm sick of always regarding other people's needs, wants, and feelings well before my own. I WANT to throw a temper tantrum and make a big deal out of it, then be a sulking, miserable bitch, but I won't. I won't because it won't help anything, and Raine feels bad enough about it as it is (at least I guess he does).
I think, as much as Raine will hate it professionally, I need to start polishing up my resume and see if I can't find something else, this whole place has become so toxic that it's affecting my real life. I just needed to vent a little, thanks for reading it. All I want in this whole world is my boyfriend back
****Please, no "just talk to him" advice, I already KNOW THAT, thanks!
