I'm trying to be happy for him, I really am, but I can't help but feel alone. He came back from work so he could talk to me before leaving for Dayton for the wedding, but instead of a chat it turned into me listening to his best man speech, and giving him stuff to say. The thing is I SAW this coming. I've been telling him for weeks to start writing it, but he only started Saturday, so of course yesterday he was panicking. I got him to calm down and chill out, he must have realised I was feeling neglected so he saved what he had and we talked for a bit longer before he had to leave.

I haven't been expecting any contact, I knew he'd be so busy, but he managed to send me a quick PM on facebook, he sounded so stressed out Now I feel so lonely because I know I won't talk to him till late sunday night. I almost wish we hadn't spent so much time together before I left, I'm so used to talking to him everyday, when I don't get to talk to him, I feel so empty. I didn't go out for a movie night with my roommates today because I felt so down. I'm dragging myself to go out for a friend's birthday tomorrow, I hope I don't drink much, or else I know the night will end in tears for me.

I figure another part of this is the fact his ex-girlfriend his a bridesmaid, and so he will be walking her down the aisle. It's not like I don't trust him, I do, I know he is totally in love with me as I am him, it's just I resent the fact any girl, let alone his ex, gets to hold his arm and be that close to him when I can't till December. It makes my heart ache.

I'm happy he gets to see his old friend though, and I'm happy he get's to see his best friend get married, it just sucks I can't be there too He said he hoped he doesn't get depressed with all the lovey-dovey stuff that is going to happen, I hope he'll be ok, it's the times I can't be there to hold his hand when he needs it, that hurt the most. I hate this so much. HATE IT! I want this year to be OVER already!