So I am a month late on my period at this point. I have had one negative HPT (one week post the missed period) and one sort of negative blood serum pregnancy test (one month post the missed period, aka yesterday). I've been having all the pregnant symptoms (sore breasts, nausea, fatigue, increase in urination, and I suddenly can't stand my favorite wine). My doctor did a full work up and said that he couldn't find any explanation for these symptoms.
The blood pregnancy test came back negative, but the lab said it was an inconclusive negative because it took too long to show. So basically I have to wait a week, take another HPT. If in two weeks I haven't started I have to go get another blood pregnancy test. And if all that comes back negative I have to have an ultrasound in a month, to make sure it isn't an ectopic pregnancy (which I have an increased risk of) or something else.
This is really stressful in an LDR. I had to explain all this to my SO over the phone. He can't come to the doctor with me to understand this. We've discussed kids before and were both mostly on the same page. I had said I never ever want to have children, and if I did I would want to only have one and maybe adopt, all much later in life, like in my 30s. He wants to have kids, just not right now.
We've only been together for 11 months, so this timing isn't really great. I would have enough time to graduate before having the baby if we chose that. But I would have to go through much of the pregnancy alone. We have discussed abortion before, and both said that was an option we'd go for.
The thing is if there is this thing in inside me, this thing we made, I don't know that I could do it. We are in a place were we could financially handle having a child and the timing would fit with us closing the distance. But I've always thought being pregnant sounded terrifying and awful. Basically I am just freaking out.
I hate waiting.
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I don't think it's really anyone's place to try and force their opinions and beliefs on other people. Especially not with a sensitive topic such as this.
Of course, honestly, pregnancy itself should be an afterthought. It's a moment in time. That baby that results....that's forever. Make a decision on whether you want a child, not a pregnancy.
I meant to say before I wasn't considering adoption. I could not carry a baby to term and not keep it, and think that honestly the world has enough unwanted babies and children trying to get adopted. My choice to keep or abort will be a long discussion between my SO and I based on the timing and our capabilities both financially and mentally (as we may not be mature enough to be parents). I hold it is my right to decide the timing of any child I choose to have to give that child the best life I can without having to sacrifice getting to that place. I am not using abortion as that method. I have been using birth control.
As of right now though, my SO and I have been focusing on other things. We have too many things to do and say to worry about what could be. To be on the safe side though I have stopped drinking at my doctor's request.