I came back from Hong Kong and Singapore last Monday. We went on a mini vacation to Singapore and both fell in love with the city completely. We had an amazing time walking around in Chinatown and exploring the Hindu temples in Little India, enjoying the view on top of the Marina Bay Sands hotel, feeding giraffes and elephants at the Zoo, having cocktails by the pool.. I think I have never walked that much in my life: we were both exhausted afterwards, even Chris who usually never runs out of energy. He mentioned that he needed another holiday to recover from the first one. It was the first time he didn't have to go to work when I was visiting. It was nice to have him around all the time as he is usually away for most of the longer visits due to his work (he is a pilot).

However, things have been quite rough since I got back. My brother is bipolar with psychotic features and was taken to hospital this week because he was acting psychotic. He was given sedatives which made him sleep for 15 hours. He hasn't been able to sleep much recently so I was relieved to hear that he got a little break. His doctor and my parents have since agreed on changing his medication so I'm hopeful that things will get better soon. It's painful to see him suffer so much. I've been crying a lot because seeing him like that is so difficult, no matter how many times it has happened.

He was hospitalized for six months when he was only 13 and he is now 20 so it's difficult for me to remember what he was like when he was not ill. Since then he has had a lot of good times as well when he has been able to play tennis, cook amazing meals, laugh with us.. Sometimes it feels difficult to remember those times, especially during times like these. I can't remember hearing him laugh, most of the time he just stares blankly ahead. It's difficult to reach him when he is lost in his own world. Sometimes I wish I could follow him but at the some time I'm not sure if I could survive it. I truly admire him for trying every day despite everything he has been through. Recently I have started to accept the fact that he can probably never have a "normal" life because stress usually triggers the psychoses. It has been difficult because of course I have always wanted him to have the best life possible. I still do but I also understand now that maybe there are other ways of having a good life than the ones we are mostly told. No matter what he decides to do, I just want to see him happy again.

I'm really thankful for all the support I have received. I also think it's important to talk about these issues so that the stigma attached to them would slowly fade.