Well, I left for Portland on Sunday night. I admit i was so anxious the entire commute to the airport and finally on the plane. All the anxiety, and all the uncertainty melted away almost instantly when I saw him waiting for me just past security in PDX. We smiled, hugged, kissed and I was just happy again. We took a cab to my hotel, he paid for it. We held hands the whole ride there. Once the we checked into the hotel and got upstairs it really only took about 3 minutes for the do not disturb sign to get posted on the door...lol. We were up til 3-4am then passed out.

He had to get up early the next day for work...which I felt so bad for keeping him up so late. He left work early to come home and be with me...and take a nap...lol. We decided to go to Red Robin for dinner so we walked over there and drank margaritas til we were buzzed. We walked to the mall after and wandered around. Wes got us lost, he couldn't figure out where to exit so we could go to target next. And I dropped my purse in the mall to which he replied, "What have i told you aboout drinking at dinner?" Some lady in the mall gave him a weird look. It was so funny. We got a few things at Target when we got there eventually, then wandered back to the hotel. We took a much needed shower, changed, XXX, then watched tv in bed til we fell asleep.

He was off the next day so we got breakfast at Dennys, n decided to see a movie. So we wandered around a completely different mall, mostly a bookstore. We bought a few books and a card game for us to try later. We saw, the devil inside then ran off to McMilligans for drinks and dinner. We drank too much...BUT we had a very deep discussion about my needs and his needs.

He apologized for not telling me where he was going. He realized he was doing to me what I used to do to him and he never meant to do that. I told him in order to be happy through the day all i need is a text good morning, a text if hes going out and a text when he gets home. If he wants to text in between have at it. He said that was reasonable an he would try to remember. For me, I need to tone down my clutter (sorta a hoarder), and try to get a better grasp on my emotions and become more independent from my parents. I told him that the clutter would be gone when I move (bc he won't let me take it), that i was trying to get a hold of my emotions, and I was taking strides to become more independent (he means doing my own laundry, dishes etc.). So after that we drunkenly wandered back to the hotel for shower, drunken sex, n sleep lol.

He worked the next two days and I could tell that when he worked in the morning and came back to hang out with me 2 things happened. He was very irritable and put offish and he was hypercritical of everything I did. For example, he cept telling me I wasn't being very lady-like and that just pissed me off royally. I flat out told him, i'm not a lady and i never pretended to be so knock it off. He kinda got the hint. As for being critical, he realized he was doing it bc of how quiet I got. We talked about that as well, the night we rented movies to watch on my computer. When he told me he was sorry for being a disappointment. That broke my heart, he may do things that disappoint me but he's never been a disappointment. I did my best to reassure him but I don't know how much he took in.

The night of the movies was the night I took the bus and met him at work. He introduced me to his co-workers, we got starbucks, hit up the redbox machine and went to this fun Thai restaurant for dinner. Then home, movies, TV, bed. He started to doze off long before me and I started sobbing because it was our last night together. He was semi-conscious and did his best to comfort me. I know I fell asleep crying that night.

Friday was my final day there...we got up early, did our las minute bedtime activities and packed. We dropped our luggage n stuff off in his friend Kenny's van (bc checkout was at noon and my flight was at 9:30pm). We went to Sherri's for breakfast...I had been waiting alllll week to have the fried chicken n waffles from there. We wandered around rite aid waiting for the bus, then went back to that mall to see another movie. This time girl with the dragon tattoo. We then met up with his friend Kenny at the bar n had some drinks, dinner, and then the sad commute to the airport.

I did pretty good...I didn't cry until after we said goodbye before security and I was waiting by the gate. Then again on the plane as we pulled away. I got home about 9 hours later. Then just passed out when I got home. I woke up to a "good morning and i miss you sooooo much" text.

So, I guess Wes and I are ok. I feel a lot better since the trip, aside from the initial sadness bc i'm not with him anymore. We talked out our issues, and time will tell if he and I stick to them. I have this overwhelming feeling of closure...that's the only way i can explain it. I guess because I saw him, and we said a good bye that was planned. Mostly because I got to see how much he still loves me, and cares for me. Even if he does dishish things sometimes. No one is perfect....least of all me. I need to try harder to remember that.